Why You're Not Having Sex

By Ayana Mathis, Essence

Sheets gone cold? Three ways to heat things up in the bedroom

We all know how good lovin' feels, but sometimes there can be barriers to getting as much of it as we'd like; work schedules, family commitments, even health issues. The good news is that it's easy to identify your sexual challenges and find solutions to put the romance back in your life. Here's how:

1 PROBLEM: LOW LIBIDO
Does the mere thought of his hand caressing your thigh give you a chill instead of a warm tingly feeling? Low libido has many causes, including depression (and ironically, the drugs that treat it), stress, high blood pressure and diabetes medications, and birth control pills.

SOLUTION: Talk to your doctor, if medications are the culprit, change the time of day you take them so they're at their lowest levels when you typically have sex. If you're on birth control pills and having problems with your libido, consider switching to another kind.

2 PROBLEM: FATIGUE
Work, family commitments and your social life have you so busy that you're knocked out before your head even hits the pillow--making sex a distant memory.

SOLUTION: Get some rest! You need energy to want and enjoy sex. Schedule lovemaking when you're not as tired. "Don't think sex has to be spontaneous. Planned sex can be very exciting," says Hilda Hutcherson, M.D. And if you're exhausted because you're overworked (at home and in the office), don't be afraid to delegate. "Figure out what you don't have to do on your own, and ask friends or family to help," says Hutcherson. She also recommends getting some exercise, which can help boost energy.

3 PROBLEM: NO PARTNER
Yes, it's frustrating when we don't have anyone to be intimate with, and that can lead to putting our sexual desires on lockdown.

SOLUTION: Self love. "You don't have to have a partner to be a sexual being," Hutcherson says. Some women experience their best orgasms solo. Try masturbating in the shower or Jacuzzi, using the water for stimulation.