Friday, June 8, 2007

Vampire Bats

A vampire bat came flapping in from the night covered in fresh blood and parked himself on the roof of the cave to get some sleep.

Pretty soon all the other bats smelt the blood and began hassling him about where he got it. He told them to go away and let him get some sleep. However, the bats persisted until finally he gave in.

"OK, follow me," he said and flew out of the cave with hundreds of bats behind him. Down through a valley they went, across a river and into a forest full of trees. Finally he slowed down and all the other bats excitedly milled around him.

"Now, do you see that tree over there?" he asked.

"Yes, yes, yes!" the bats all screamed in a hungry frenzy.

"Good," said the first bat tiredly, "Because I didn't!"


1. We are always late we would have missed the flight.

2. Pretty girls on the plane would distract us!

3. We would talk loudly and bring attention to ourselves.

4. With food and drinks on the plane, we would forget why we're there.

5. We talk with our hands, therefore we would have to put our weapons down.

6. We would ALL want to fly the plane.

7. We would argue and start a fight in the plane.

8. We can't keep a secret, we would have told everyone a week before doing it.

9. We would have put our country's flag on the windshield.

10. We would all have fallen over each other to be in the photograph being taken by one of the hostages.

Friday, June 1, 2007

Mother-in-law Joke

A marrried couple was in a terrible accident where the man's face was severely burned.

The doctor told the husband that they couldn't graft any skin from his body because he was too skinny.

So the wife offered to donate some of her own skin. However, the only skin on her body that the doctor felt was suitable would have to come from her buttocks. The husband and wife agreed that they would tell no one about where the skin came from and they requested that the doctor alse honor their secret.

After all, this was a very delicate matter. After the surgery was completed, everyone was astounded at the man's new face. He looked more handsome than he ever had before! All his friends and relatives just went on and on about his youthful beauty!

One day, he was alone with his wife, and he was overcome with emotion of her sacrifice. He said, "Dear, I just want to thank you for everything you did for me. How can I possibly repay you?"

"My darling, she replied, "I get all the thanks every time I see your mother kiss you on the cheek."