Olga's Blog

Last in Line

2007-07-26T19:20:00.000-07:00

A bus carrying only ugly people crashes into an oncoming truck, and everyone inside dies. As they stand at the Pearly Gates waiting to enter Paradise and meet their maker, God decides to grant each person one wish because of the grief they have experienced.

They're all lined up, and God asks the first one what the wish is.

“I want to be gorgeous,“ she says, and so God snaps His fingers, and it is done.

The second one in line hears this and says, “I want to be gorgeous too.”

Another snap of His fingers and the wish is granted.

This goes on for a while with each one asking to be gorgeous, but when God is halfway down the line, the last guy in the line starts laughing.

When there are only ten people left, this guy is rolling on the floor, laughing his head off.

Finally, God reaches this last guy and asks him what his wish
will be. The guy eventually calms down and says: "Make 'em all ugly again."

NEXT TIME YOU'RE LAST IN LINE, BE HAPPY

Ten Things to do to stop global warming

2007-07-26T19:13:00.000-07:00

Want to do something to help stop global warming? Here are 10 simple things you can do and how much carbon dioxide you'll save doing them.

Change a light

Replacing one regular light bulb with a compact fluorescent light bulb will save 150 pounds of carbon dioxide a year.

Drive less

Walk, bike, carpool or take mass transit more often. You'll save one pound of carbon dioxide for every mile you don't drive!

Recycle more

You can save 2.400 pounds of carbon dioxide per year by recycling just half of your household waste.

Check your tires

Keeping your tires inflated properly can improve gas mileage by more than 3%. Every gallon of gasoline saved keeps 20 pounds of carbon dioxide out of the atmosphere!

Use less hot water

It takes a lot of energy to heat water. Use less hot water by installing a low flow showerhead (350 pounds of CO2 saved per year) and washing your clothes in cold or warm water (500 pounds saved per year).

Avoid products with a lot of packaging

You can save 1,200 pounds of carbon dioxide if you cut down your garbage by 10%.

Adjust your thermostat

Moving your thermostat just 2 degrees in winter and up 2 degrees in summer you could save about 2,000 pounds of carbon dioxide a year with this simple adjustment.

Plant a tree

A single tree will absorb one ton of carbon dioxide over its lifetime.

Turn off electronic devices

Simply turning off your television, DVD player, stereo, and computer when you're not using them will save you thousands of pounds of carbon dioxide a year.

Spread the word!

Vampire Bats

2007-06-08T07:45:00.000-07:00

A vampire bat came flapping in from the night covered in fresh blood and parked himself on the roof of the cave to get some sleep.

Pretty soon all the other bats smelt the blood and began hassling him about where he got it. He told them to go away and let him get some sleep. However, the bats persisted until finally he gave in.

"OK, follow me," he said and flew out of the cave with hundreds of bats behind him. Down through a valley they went, across a river and into a forest full of trees. Finally he slowed down and all the other bats excitedly milled around him.

"Now, do you see that tree over there?" he asked.

"Yes, yes, yes!" the bats all screamed in a hungry frenzy.

"Good," said the first bat tiredly, "Because I didn't!"

Y INDIANS CANNOT BE TERRORIST

2007-06-08T07:44:00.000-07:00

1. We are always late we would have missed the flight.

2. Pretty girls on the plane would distract us!

3. We would talk loudly and bring attention to ourselves.

4. With food and drinks on the plane, we would forget why we're there.

5. We talk with our hands, therefore we would have to put our weapons down.

6. We would ALL want to fly the plane.

7. We would argue and start a fight in the plane.

8. We can't keep a secret, we would have told everyone a week before doing it.

9. We would have put our country's flag on the windshield.

10. We would all have fallen over each other to be in the photograph being taken by one of the hostages.

Mother-in-law Joke

2007-06-01T13:47:00.000-07:00

A marrried couple was in a terrible accident where the man's face was severely burned.

The doctor told the husband that they couldn't graft any skin from his body because he was too skinny.

So the wife offered to donate some of her own skin. However, the only skin on her body that the doctor felt was suitable would have to come from her buttocks. The husband and wife agreed that they would tell no one about where the skin came from and they requested that the doctor alse honor their secret.

After all, this was a very delicate matter. After the surgery was completed, everyone was astounded at the man's new face. He looked more handsome than he ever had before! All his friends and relatives just went on and on about his youthful beauty!

One day, he was alone with his wife, and he was overcome with emotion of her sacrifice. He said, "Dear, I just want to thank you for everything you did for me. How can I possibly repay you?"

"My darling, she replied, "I get all the thanks every time I see your mother kiss you on the cheek."

Mexican abuelita:

2007-05-12T04:04:00.000-07:00

lawyers should never ask a mexican grandma a question if they aren't prepared for the answer.

During a trial in a small town in south texas, the prosecuting attorney called his first witness, an elderly mexican abuelita to the stand. He approached her and asked, "senora sanchez, do you know me?"

she responded, "si, i know you mr. Williams. I know you since you were a mocoso chorriado, and frankly you've been a big disappointment to me, to your family and to your community. You lie, you cheat on you wife, and you manipulate people, and you think you're a big shot when you are nada, pura basura. Yes, i know you baboso."

the lawyer was stunned, not knowing what else to do, he pointed across the room and asked, mrs. Sanchez, "do you know the defense attorney ?"

again she replied, "claro que si. I've known mr. Rodriguez since he was a mocoso travieso too. He's a lazy puto, and he has a drinking problem. He can't keep a normal relationship with nobody, and he is the most pendejo lawyer in the state. And not to mention he cheated on his wife with three different putas. One of them was your wife! You remember? I know mr. Rodriguez; his mama is not proud of him tambien."

the defense attorney almost died.

The judge then asked both counselors to approach the bench, and in a very quiet voice said, "if either of you cabrones asks her if she knows me, i'll send you both to the electric chair."

Celestial Tourist

2007-04-25T19:20:00.000-07:00

Some people head to the islands for vacation. Others hop the pond to Europe. But billionaire and self-proclaimed nerd Charles Simonyi headed in a very different direction for vacation — into space. Simonyi reportedly paid $25 million for his trip to the International Space Station aboard a Russian Soyuz spacecraft. Simonyi, who was expected to head home on April 20, is the fifth space tourist to visit the space station. During his 10 days aboard, Simonyi planned to assist with experiments and use his ham-radio skills to communicate with U.S. high school students.

Gossamer

2007-04-13T11:19:00.000-07:00

Just tell her. Just open up your heart and spill it out. That's what some people do. But Damien's plan was special and as he began to put it into action, everything in the universe seemed to click into place, and all things rang with Emma; even the muted throb of the car's engine sang her name - Emma, Emma, Emma. He looked in his rear mirror at the diminishing oblong that was Industry House. Emma would be sat there this very minute, right next to Damien's empty desk. Every evening she lingered in his thoughts. Did he exist in hers? He was about to find out.

At the junction he hesitated. Usually he turned right and headed straight for junction nine. Fourteen minutes and three junctions later he'd roll off the slip road and another eight minutes thirty saw him in his flat eating toast and staring at the fridge. But tonight was different. Instead of turning right, he turned left, then left again, and into the supermarket car park where he stopped. He laughed and slapped his hands on the steering wheel in a rapid tattoo. 'Woo-hoo,' he cried, self-consciously.

Exuberance didn't come easily to Damien; he couldn't understand why people whistled and hollered out at concerts - he was unable to find the motivation within himself, even though he was sure he enjoyed the gigs as fully as he was intended to. Tonight was different. A new life was spread out before him, a life that would give the answer to the one question that mattered; could Emma love him as he loved her? He sat for a time listening to the ticking of the metal as the bonnet cooled down.

Half an hour later he glanced at himself in the rear mirror. 'Bye-bye, Damien Jones, legal consultant. Nice to know you.'

In the supermarket toilets Damien's transformation took place. He climbed into baggy blue overalls, glued on a false beard, jammed a woolly hat onto his head and balanced a pair of giant oval green-tinted spectacles on his nose. He nodded at his reflection in the mirror, made a gun with his finger and pointed. 'Hey! Kev! Kevin. Kevo. Kevvy. Kay. Kev. K.man. The k-miester. What's going on mate? What's going on pal, mate, pallo. . . matey - What's happening dude. Hey, how you doing? How's it hanging? What's going down - dog. Dog? What's new? Hey, lad, what's the crack? What's new fellah?'

Read full text on http://www.short-stories.co.uk/

Only these are true

2007-03-02T01:39:00.000-08:00

- A 28-year old male was brought into the ER after an attempted suicide. The man had swallowed several nitroglycerin pills and a fifth of vodka. When asked about the bruises about his head and chest he said that they were from him ramming himself into the wall in an attempt to make the nitroglycerin explode.

- A 50-year old woman came into the ER with a complaint of mild abdominal pain. During a pelvic exam the doctor found that the lady had inserted a whole chicken piece by piece into her vagina. Unable to have children she was hoping that the chicken would turn into a baby.

- A man in his mid-fifties did a Loraina Bobbit on himself in a drunken rage and ended up in the ER. The urologist thought that he could reattach the mans genitalia if it could be recovered and if it was in good condition. The police were dispatched to the man's house and the search was on. During the search one of the officers heard a choking sound coming from the man's poodle that was sitting in the corner. After a brief fight the officer was able to retrieve the man's jewels from the dog's mouth. After inspection of the parts by the urologist it was decided that the man would need to be taught to pee while sitting (if you know what I mean) The officer was given a commendation from his precinct for medical assistance.

- A woman with shortness of breath and who weighed approximately 500 lbs was dragged into the ER on a tarp by six firemen. While trying to undress the lady an asthma inhaler fell out of one of the folds under her arm. After an Xray showed a round mass on the left side of her chest her massive left breast was lifted to find a shiny new dime. And last but not least during a pelvic exam a TV remote control was discovered in one of the folds of her crotch. She became known as "The Human Couch".

- A doctor who spoke limited Spanish was rushed to a car in the ER parking lot to find a Spanish woman in the process of giving birth. Wanting to tell the woman to push he started yelling "Puta! Puta! Puta!" at this the grandmother started to cry and the baby's father had to be restrained. What the doctor should have been saying was "Puja!" (Push!). Instead he was saying "Whore! Whore! Whore!"

- An unconscious 36-year old male was brought to the ER with cocaine induced seizures. As a nurse pulled back his foreskin to insert a catheter (a tube passed through the urethra and into the bladder) a neatly folded twenty dollar bill fell out of the foreskin fold. When the man woke up and demanded to leave, the nurse gave him back his belongings and told him where she had found the money. His response: "It was a fifty, bitch!"

- An elderly woman came into the ER complaining: "I got the green vines in my virginny" (Interesting). A pelvic exam verifies that she did, indeed, have a six inch vine growing out of her vagina. Further inspection revealed that she had a mass in her vaginal vault. It was easily removed and looked very much like a potato. It was, indeed, a potato. The patient said that her uterus was falling out and that she "put a potato in there to hold it up" and then forgot about it.

- The most nonemergent ER visit: A male adolescent came in at 2 a.m. with a complaint of belly button lint.

- A young female came to the ER with lower abdominal pain. During the exam and questioning the female denied being sexually active. The doctor gave her a pregnancy test anyway and it came back positive. The doctor went back to the young female's room. Doctor: "The results of your pregnancy test came back positive. Are you sure you're not sexually active?" Patient: "Sexually active? No, sir, I just lay there." Doctor: "I see. Well, do you know who the father is?" Patient: "No. Who?"

- A 92-year old woman had a full cardiac arrest at home and was rushed to the hospital. After about thirty minutes of unsuccessful resuscitation attempts the old lady was pronounced dead. The doctor went to tell the lady's 78-year old daughter that her mother didn't make it. "Didn't make it? Where could they be? She left in the ambulance forty-five minutes ago!"

- A 15-year old boy was laying on a stretcher with his mother sitting next to him. The boy was coming down from "crank" (methamphetamine) that he had injected into his veins with needles he had been sharing with his friends. Concerned about this the doctor asked the boy if there was anything he might have been doing that put him at risk for AIDS. The boy thought for a while then said questioningly, "I've been screwing the dog?"

- A 19-year old female was asked why she was in the ER. She said that she and her boyfriend were having sex and the condom came off and she wasn't able to retrieve it with her fingers. I went to the bathroom and "gagged" myself to vomit but couldn't vomit it up either."

Dave Pushes Himself Too Hard

2007-02-24T02:03:00.000-08:00

Dave works hard at the plant and spends two nights each week bowling and plays golf every Saturday.

His wife thinks he's pushing himself too hard, so for his birthday she takes him to a local strip club.

The doorman at the club greets them and says, "Hey, Dave! How ya doin?"

His wife is puzzled and asks if he's been to this club before.

"Oh no," says Dave. "He's on my bowling team"

When they are seated, a waitress asks Dave if he'd like his usual and brings over a Budweiser.

His wife is becoming increasingly uncomfortable and says, "How did she know that you drink Budweiser?"

"I recognize her, she's the waitress from the golf club. I always have a Bud at the end of the 1st nine, honey.

A stripper then comes over to their table, throws her arms around Dave, starts to rub herself all over him and says, "Hi Davey. Want your usual table dance, big boy?"

Dave's wife, now furious, grabs her purse and storms out of the club.

Dave follows and spots her getting into a cab. Before she can slam the door, he jumps in beside her. Dave tries desperately to explain how the stripper must have mistaken him for someone else, but his wife is having none of it. She is screaming at him at the top of her lungs, calling him every 4 letter word in the book.

The cabby turns around and says, "Geez Dave, you picked up a real bitch this time."

How smart is your right foot?

2007-02-11T19:00:00.000-08:00

This will keep you busy for a while, trying to outsmart your foot, but you can't.

1. While sitting at your desk, lift your right foot off the floor and make clockwise circles.

2. Now, while doing this, draw the number "6" in the air with your right hand.

Your foot will change direction. . . . . . and there's nothing you can do about it!

The Blind Date

2007-01-18T13:22:00.000-08:00

I went on a blind date.. and I had no idea what she was going to look like.

Why do they call it a blind date anyways? Is the date suppose to be blind? Experts say it’s called that because you have no idea what the date will look like.

So if that’s true, there’s a good chance my date could have been either

* A horse

* Man who likes other men

* A petafile

* Michael Jackson

If it was M.J. the attraction wouldn’t be there.. since I’m not a 10 year old.

What if my blind date ended up being a guy holding a dozen roses? I would hope I’m not the one he’s waiting for.

Well that’s the type of person I saw and.. he was waiting for me!

Why can’t I ever have a hot blind date like the ones on the scripted TV series “Blind Date?”

And that explains why the women on that show are always hot with big knockers. Because it’s scripted. This is for the male readers. Would you ever watch a blind date show which featured a girl with no good features? I wouldn't since I can do just that by looking out the living room window.

So for my next blind date, I will try to be on the TV show. I think I would qualify since I not only like women with big "knockers" but I'm great at reading and memorizing scripts!

Beauty E.R.

2006-12-10T03:23:00.000-08:00

These answers to your top l0 most common beauty questions are as awesome as an episode of House but without all the drama.

Q: "Before I go to school my hair looks cute. But by the time I get there, it's frizzy! How can I make my hairstyle stay all day?"

--Nicole, 15, Northridge, CA

Blow-dry your hair before bed (sleeping on it tames the poofiness!). In the a.m., apply a dime-sized blob of smoothing serum (try Terax Gloss, $16, beauty.com) to your hair from roots to tips. Wear a silk scarf on your head until you get indoors, then remove it. Voilà--frizz-free hair!

Q: "About four hours after I put it on, my mascara makes dark shadows under my eyes. It looks like I've been punched. What can I do?"

--Rebecca, 18, Myrtle Beach, SC

Try coating just your top lashes with water-resistant mascara (try Maybelline New York Unstoppable Mascara, $7, a drugstores), then apply clear mascara to your lower lashes. Dust loose powder under your eyes to soak up oil.

Q: "How can I hide my freckles without wearing foundation?"

--Candice, 15, Hardyville, KY

One day we hope you'll learn to love your freckles! But in the meantime, tap a mixture of liquid concealer (try Bibo Concealer, $13, http://www.bibocosmetics.com/) and face moisturizer that contains SPF 15 (so your freckles won't darken in the sun) over the spots you want to tone down.

Q: "My cheeks are always red. Is there a way to cover the redness?"

--Rebecca, 15, Courtice, ON

Spread a tinted moisturizer all over, then blend a gold pink blush (try Flirt! I'm Whipped Blush Mousse in Girl Talk $12 kohls.com) over your cheeks. The pink color mutes the red and the light from the shimmer deflects it too.

Q: "What's the best way to shrink the pores on my nose and cover them up?"

--Valerie, 17, San Antonio, TX

Exfoliate three times a week to get the gunk: out (that's why your pores are large). Every morning, spread a pore-minimizing gel (try Almay Pore Minimizer, $7, at drugstores) over your nose before putting on makeup--it will tighten your pores so makeup won't sink into them.

Q: "What can I do get rid of my dark undereye circles once and fat all?"

--Abby 17, Southington, CT

If your circles are brownish, apply a cream or serum with hydroquinone (try Porcelana Skin Lightening Serum, $6, at drug store) twice daily to lighten the pigmentation. If the circles are bluish apply an eye cream with vitamin K (try Jason Vitamin K Plus Crème, $21, jason-natural.com). Vitamin K helps lighten bruises and other dark spots.

Q: I use a straightener every morning, but no matter what I do, I get short little hairs that Stickup around my face. Help!"

--Kim, 14 Spokane, WA

Your hair is breaking from exposure to high heat. Prevent further breakage by using a heat-protection spray (try VO5! Miracle Mist Heat Defense Conditioning Spray, $4, at drugstores) before you iron. In the meantime smooth broken hairs with a pea-sized amount of hair wax (try Aveda Self Control Hair Styling Stick, $17, aveda.com).

Q: "Every time I wash or brush my hair, it falls out! It's getting a lot thinner."

--Brenda, 14, Aurora, IL

It may seem like a lot, but it's normal to lose 100-200 hairs a day. To ease your mind, try washing with a sensitive shampoo for fine hair (try Nioxin Cleanser, $13, http://www.nioxin.com/). If you notice you're still losing a lot more than the normal amount after about six weeks, see your doctor.

Q: "How do I avoid getting sweat rings on my clothes?"

--Megan, 16, Pittsburgh, PA

Apply a heavy-duty antiperspirant (try Certain Dri Antiperspirant, $6, at drugstores) on dry skin before bed. In the morning, apply your regular antiperspirant. Then stick Garment Guard Disposable Underarm Shields (12 for $23, beauty.com) fabric patches to the pits of your shirts to prevent stains from developing on your clothes.

Q: "My nails peel. How do I make them stronger?"

--Stephanie, 15, Calgary, AB

Keep your cuticles and nails hydrated by massaging olive all into them. Coat them once a week with a strengthening polish (try Sally Hansen Get strong Multi-Vitamin Nail Strengthener, $7, at drugstores). And use an acetone-free polish remover (try Nailtiques Non-Acetone Remover With Aloe Vera, $6, at drugstore.com)--it won't dry your nails.

By Emily Kate Warren

7 Reasons not to Mess with a Child

2006-12-02T03:22:00.000-08:00

A little girl: was talking to her teacher about whales.
The teacher: said it was physically impossible for a whale to swallow a human because even though it was a very large mammal its throat was very small.
The little girl: stated that Jonah was swallowed by a whale.
Irritated, the teacher: reiterated that a whale could not swallow a human; it was physically impossible.
The little girl: said, "When I get to heaven I will ask Jonah".
The teacher: asked, "What if Jonah went to hell?"
The little girl: replied, "Then you ask him".

A Kindergarten teacher: was observing her classroom of children while they were drawing. She would occasionally walk around to see each child's work.
As she got to one little girl who was working diligently, she asked what the drawing was.
The girl: replied, "I'm drawing God."
The teacher: paused and said, "But no one knows what God looks like."
Without missing a beat, or looking up from her drawing, the girl replied, "They will in a minute."

A Sunday school teacher: was discussing the Ten Commandments with her five and six year olds.
After explaining the commandment to "honour" thy Father and thy Mother, she asked, "Is there a commandment that teaches us how to treat our brothers and sisters?"
Without missing a beat one little boy: (the oldest of a family) answered, "Thou shall not kill."

One day a little girl was sitting and watching her mother do the dishes at the kitchen sink. She suddenly noticed that her mother had several strands of white hair sticking out in contrast on her brunette head.
She looked at her mother and inquisitively asked, "Why are some of your hairs white, Mom?"
Her mother replied, "Well, every time that you do something wrong and make me cry or unhappy, one of my hairs turns white."
The little girl thought about this revelation for a while and then said, "Momma, how come ALL of grandma's hairs are white?"

The children had all been photographed, and the teacher was trying to persuade them each to buy a copy of the group picture.
"Just think how nice it will be to look at it when you are all grown up and say, 'There's Jennifer, she's a lawyer,' or 'That's Michael, He's a doctor.'
A small voice at the back of the room rang out, "And there's the teacher, She's dead. "

A teacher was giving a lesson on the circulation of the blood.
Trying to make the matter clearer, she said, "Now, class, if I stood on my head, the blood, as you know, would run into it, and I would turn red in the face.."
"Yes," the class said.
"Then why is it that while I am standing upright in the ordinary position the blood doesn't run into my feet?"
A little fellow shouted, "Cause your feet ain't empty."

The children were lined up in the cafeteria of a Catholic elementary school for lunch. At the head of the table was a large pile of apples. The nun made a note, and posted on the apple tray:
"Take only ONE. God is watching."
Moving further along the lunch line, at the other end of the table was a large pile of chocolate chip cookies.
A child had written a note, "Take all you want. God is watching the apples.

4 Weeks to a Hotter, Happier, More Satisfying Sex Life

2006-11-08T10:03:00.000-08:00

Want exciting sex? More intimate sex? More playful sex? Heck, want to want more sex, period? Our monthlong makeover will increase your pleasure and his

PLUS: Bonus love-your-sex-life advice from a top sex therapist.
We women hear the word "makeover" and we're usually up for it because we know we'll look cuter in the end. A hair makeover, a style makeover--who wouldn't want that? But a sex makeover? Uh-huh--and here's why. No matter how satisfying (or not) your sex life is right now, you probably wouldn't mind adding a little more heat, a little more surprise, and a lot more closeness to the mix. That means finding fresh ways to discover and delight in each other, whether you've been together two years or 20. Our four-week plan delivers all that and helps you and your man have more fun in bed, to boot.

Here's how it works: Each week of the makeover has a different theme plus a list of activities to try--building from no-touch intimacy boosters in Week 1 to sexy push-your-limits games in Week 4. Aim to do three or four activities per week--you and he can take turns choosing which ones. Most of them take less than half an hour, so you can do them all during the weekend, or spread them out over the course of the week. Finally, for more on deepening your sexual connection, check out "The Love Doctor Is In" for further advice from Laura Berman, Ph.D., host of the Showtime series Sexual Healing, who's bean helping women and couples develop their passion potential for nearly two decades.

Now grab your guy and get ready to have fun!

[WEEK ONE] warm up
It's hard to really enjoy sex with your guy if you're mad at him. That's why it's important to do a little healing before heading into new sexual territory--think of it as cleaning out your emotional closet. So for the first week of this makeover, you'll stick to nonsexual activities that'll get you primed for the sexy stuff.

* Feed each other's ego
Build his self-esteem--and yours--by taking 10 minutes to say what you like about each other, both in and out of bed. Be sure to cover three kinds of compliments: physical ("You have a sexy butt"), appreciative ("I really appreciate that you always pick up the kids"), and emotional ("I feel so safe when I'm with you"). Aim for at least one of each, but the more, the better! Then try to incorporate at least one additional compliment per day, all week long.

* Write each other forgiveness letters
Often, your sex life can be affected by emotional issues that you're carrying around--things you've never talked about, but should. Ava Cadell, Ph.D., a Los Angeles sex therapist, uses "forgiveness letters" to help couples communicate important thoughts and feelings. "The letter has to be specific, such as, 'When you made that joke about me at Joe and Lisa's party, I felt really embarrassed. I never said anything, but I've been upset with you since then, and I'd like to forgive you,'" says Cadell. "Then I make him read your letter back to you, to mirror your thoughts and make sure he is listening." (He gets to write his own letter, too.) This process helps you to let go of anger and disappointment--about things both small and large--and feel that you're being heard and understood by your partner.

* Play the "How I Like to Be Touched" game
Get prepped for the sexier activities in weeks to come by talking about the nonsexual touches that make you feel good. You're not allowed to have sex or touch each other's genitals while doing this exercise. Lie on the bed (or wherever is comfortable), clothed or unclothed, and have your guy stroke you all over. Have him try different strokes, such as kneading or sliding his fingers, to see what you like best. Take turns, switching off after 15 to 20 minutes. Ask each other questions like, "Do you like circular strokes or when I go up and down?" Narrate what you're doing: "I'm rubbing your legs, and now I'm moving up to your buns." And it's okay to giggle--being goofy and loose together sparks your sex connection, too! (This exercise has a perk: You'll end up using some of the strokes you liked as a warm up to steamy sex another time.)

* Critique each other--constructively
Just as important as knowing what your partner likes is knowing what he doesn't like. This is the time to come clean and tell each other what you'd like done a little differently, in a nonjudgmental way. To soften the blow, try sandwiching each negative between two positives. For example: "You know, I like it when you give attention to my nipples. But sometimes you're too rough. I really love when you massage them softly with your fingers and lick them." Take turns giving each other suggestions and listening without interrupting. (It's harder to do that than you think!)

* Just breathe
This is a tantric technique that helps you synchronize your sexual energy. It will relax both of you and put you in the mood. Sit facing each other and take slow, deep breaths together. Hold hands. Look into each other's eyes. Don't talk. Send him mental messages of love. Try to stay like this for five minutes--it can be very sexy to tap into each other's rhythms this way.

* Redo your boudoir
A few small changes can turn your bedroom into a pleasure palace. First, banish clutter--the kids' toys, stray socks, piles of bedside reading. While you're doing that, remove family photos, too; this is the "romance room," so the only photos you should have in there are shots of you and your husband.

To set a seductive mood, install a dimmer switch ($5 at hardware stores) on the bedside lamp so you can adjust it. Candles are also essential. (We all look sexier by candlelight.) If you don't already have a CD player in the bedroom, add one, along with some get-in-the-groove tunes. For extra fun, create a "naughty box"--a shoe box filled with sexy accessories like blindfolds, a feather, a vibrator, lube, massage oil, novelty condoms, and breath mints. You two might enjoy browsing for supplies together online (try babeland.com) or at a bricks-and-mortar adult store.

Finally, put a lock on the door--to keep the kids, the dog, and anyone else from barging in on you. (See page 102 for tales from three readers who didn't!)

the love doctor is in WEEK ONE
Sex Rx: A huge part of any sexual transformation happens outside the bedroom, says REDBOOK Love Network expert Laura Berman, Ph.D., author of The Passion Prescription. "Particularly for women, the brain is the main sex organ," she says. "More than orgasms, more than sexual response, more than body image, the one thing that predicts sexual satisfaction is the emotional connection we feel to the person we're having sex with."

That's why much of the work Berman does with women and couples is emotional, not sexual. (You can see her in action on her reality show, Sexual Healing, currently on Showtime.) "Past hurts, trust issues, communication--all of that is a huge part of what we focus on," she says. Berman starts couples off with an exercise similar to "feed each other's ego." "Even if they're angry, they have to put their anger aside and think of things they appreciate," she says. "Or we do 'Three things that make me feel loved' or 'Three things that make me feel safe.'"

On the other hand, sometimes a sexual activity opens up new ways of connecting. One woman Berman worked with discovered just how much resentment she was holding toward her husband when she had trouble touching him in a tender way during a sexual exercise. This inspired them to discuss some of their tough relationship issues.

If any activity in this makeover is truly upsetting to you, if either of you have a history of trauma or abuse, or if there are other emotional issues involved (such as depression or infidelity), then consider seeing a therapist for help, says Berman. You can find one in your area through the American Association of Sexuality Educators, Counselors, and Therapists (aasect.org) or the American Association for Marriage and Family Therapy (aamft.org). If you're looking for a sex therapist, make sure they're also licensed in your state as a regular therapist.

--Jeannie Kim

[WEEK TWO] pleasure him
This week, you'll be focusing on his sexual satisfaction. (Don't worry, you'll go next!) By zeroing in on one partner at a time, you'll both learn way more about what works and what doesn't in bed--and the person being treated gets to enjoy a week of sexual pleasure with no distractions.

* Treat him to an erotic massage
Even the most macho man likes a little pampering. Pull his clothes off, throw him in the shower or tub, and soap him up. Then explore his erogenous zones with a sensual massage. Use your favorite massage oil or body lotion to smooth your strokes, and caress him everywhere. Men are so penis-oriented that they themselves don't often focus on their other hot spots. Discover his. Some guys have sensitive nipples, others have sensitive necks. Try rubbing his feet or between his butt cheeks. (He'll probably like it all!)

* Perform sexy shiatsu
What does he really want? For you to play with his penis! Experiment with different strokes, suggests San Francisco sex educator Annie Sprinkle, Ph.D., author of Dr. Sprinkle's Spectacular Sex. Try the technique Sprinkle calls "penis shiatsu"--using finger pressure to drive him wild. "Squeeze up and down with your thumb and forefinger," says Sprinkle, "first front mad back and then on the sides." Sprinkle also recommends the "King's Delight": "Pay special attention to the frenulum, the area just below the head on the underside of the penis," she explains. "With one thumb on each side of the underside of the head, press and rub, making circles with your thumbs."

* Get creative with oral sex
First of all, don't worry too much about doing it "right." Men say that the number one thing that turns them on with oral sex is enthusiasm. Your technique doesn't have to be perfect, but it doesn't hurt to mix it up with creative extras. Try putting a Mentos in your mouth and then adding club soda. This will create a fizzing, bubbly eruption in your mouth. (And no, it's not dangerous.) You can also pop a strong mint for a fresh sensation.

* Heat things up with hot/cold play
Hot and cold sensations can add a whole new layer to sexy play. Try sipping a hot drink before licking him in a sensitive spot and see how that feels. Then drink something cold and see how he likes that. Or try rubbing on a heated lube; K-Y and FDS make ones that are available at any drugstore.

* Rough him up a little
Guys are very physical when it comes to sex, and they love to up the sexual energy with something that gets the adrenaline going. Try "wrestling," with or without clothes on. If your guy is a lot stronger, handicap him by making him tussle with just one arm, or with his legs gently tied together. Or get on top and pin down his arms yourself.

the love doctor is in [WEEK TWO]
Sex Rx: "It's so rare that we get to be totally focused on receiving pleasure without simultaneously having to pleasure the other person," says Berman. "It's also so difficult--we feel anxious, serf-conscious, and guilty." Letting go and receiving pleasure can be as hard for a man as it is for a woman, Berman points out, "Contrary to what many women believe, a large part of a man's sexual self-esteem comes from pleasuring his partner," she says. Men also experience a lot of performance anxiety--is my erection hard enough? Will I last long enough for her? Slowing things down by using techniques such as the breathing exercise from Week One can help him get pest these anxieties.

Another exercise Berman suggests is to have your guy identify on a scale of one to 10 how aroused he is. Repeatedly bring him to level six, then let him use breath and muscle control to come back down again. "This exercise teaches him about sexual control, and you learn how to stimulate him," says Berman, "but it's very intimate and caring, as well as sexual."

--J. K.

[WEEK THREE] pleasure you
Now it's your turn to let him do all the work. Relax into it as he experiments with new ways to please you. (If any of the activities from Week Two appeal to you, feel free to demand them instead--or in addition!)

* Play the "Hand Over" game
If you already played "How I Like to Be Touched" in Week One, get ready to take it one step further. Put your hand over his and glide his hand over all (yes, all) the areas of your body that you want him to touch. Have him experiment with different touches (all controlled by you, of course): Try the "petting" stroke, where he uses long, slow strokes, or the "orbit" stroke, where he swirls his finger up and around your most sensitive spots. The "rock around the clock" stroke involves making tiny circles around your clitoris, with his forefinger stopping at 12:00, 3:00, 6:00, and 9:00. "Many women seem to like the 2:00 or 3:00 positions the best," says Sprinkle.

* Set an O goal
Extend this challenge: You must have five orgasms this week. (Five seem too easy? Make it 10!) He can give you one a day, or all five in one gloriously long session, but you have to reach the goal within seven days. Not only will this trigger his goal-oriented, competitive side, but he'll also be inspired to new heights of creativity as he works to take you across the finish line.

* Enjoy an erotic bedtime stow
Buy a book of erotica (browse at cleispress.com) and have him read you a story. Hearing his voice describing the sex other people are having can be amazingly arousing. And soon enough you'll probably find yourself saying, "We should do what they're doing."

* Try a "trigasm"
You probably have a few tried-and-true ways of reaching orgasm, but adding extra stimulation can kick everything up a notch. Have him stimulate your clitoris with his tongue, touch your G-spot (located an inch or two inside your vagina, on the front wall) with his finger, and stroke your anal area with another finger, all at the same time. This can produce a more powerful orgasm.

* Light up with pleasure
Turn off the lights, take a flashlight, and guide the glow to areas of your body that you want him to lick or rub. Start with your neck, ears, nipples--go wherever you want him to explore. Even if it's a nonsexual area like your back, he has to pay attention to that area until you stop shining the flashlight on it.

the love doctor is in [WEEK THREE]
Sex Rx: Surrendering to being pleasured can be especially difficult for women, who are often taught to put their own needs last, says Berman. "Also, when the focus is on you, you feel more vulnerable, more insecure about your insecurities, whether it's about your body or your genitals or your sexual response," she says. "You might feel like you're taking too long and he's getting bored." Sit back and don't worry about what he's thinking--just concentrate on the sensations throughout your own body.

--J.K.

[WEEK FOUR] take it to the next level
Now it's time to push your limits, just a little, together. In this final week, you'll add more hot moves to your sexual repertoire, get honest about your desires, and embark on some fun new adventures.

* Make a wish list
Sometimes simply asking for what you want in bed can be scary. Writing it out makes it easier. Each of you should write down five new things you would actually like to try (no fantasies you'd never really do). You can also list things you've already done but want to do more of. Then share lists, and each of you pick one thing off the other's list to try this week. If you like, turn this fantasy fulfillment into a fun game by writing each idea down on a slip of paper, then drawing them out of a hat. Pick two to try this week--and keep your lists to refer to after the makeover is finished!

* Talk dirty
Not comfortable with dirty talk? Ease into it, says Sprinkle, who suggests starting with simple phrases like "That's good" or "Yes, there." Then work up to "Mmm, it feels so good when you ?." Once you're comfortable, add more detail, maybe even some spicy language. Don't be shy; this is the time to enjoy saying dirty words and being a bad girl. This week, each of you should try talking dirty, whatever that means to you--at least once. Even if you don't love it, you'll get to stretch yourselves by trying on a new way of expressing yourselves in bed, which will help both of you to be more open.

* Take turns taking control
Ever wanted to be more take-charge in bed but were afraid to tell him? Or maybe he wants you to be more dominant, but he's never had the courage to ask. One day this week, you get to be completely in charge--yes, completely. Try tying him up, blindfolding him, spanking him (gently!), bossing him around. (This is especially satisfying when you have PMS.) Then switch roles. If you like, you can add in some role-play, like being a cop and a crook, or a teacher and a naughty student. You might burst out laughing at first, but keep going--playing with control and submission can be a powerful way of reaffirming your trust in each other, both in bed and within your relationship. At the very least, you'll have some silly fun with it.

* Strike a few new poses
Experiment with at least one new position, such as the "reverse cowgirl," where you sit on his lap facing away, or the "doorman," where you lift up your leg and do it standing up against a door. (Want more ideas? Check out the books Position of the Day Playbook from Nerve.com or The Little Bit Naughty Book of Sex Positions by Siobhan Kelly.) Afterward, each of you can rate the position's hotness on a scale of one to five.

* Do it somewhere different
Make it your mission to have sex in at least two different rooms this week. Or try a road trip: Next time you head to the store, pick a secluded place to pull over and get some lovin'. Try a little backseat action, or sit on his lap in the passenger seat. Just like a road trip, passionate sex is all about looking at new things, discovering surprises, getting lost, and getting back on the road again. Make sure your "road trip" has its exciting moments and challenges--and enjoy the adventure!

the love doctor is in [WEEK FOUR]
Sex Rx: Moving beyond your comfort zone is key to growing, both emotionally and sexually, says Berman. "You have to take risks to make the change you want," she says. Changing your usual routine can also shake things up physically, she points out: "Doing things that feel just a little frightening inspires dopamine production, which can boost your libido. That's why I often direct couples to go rock climbing or skydiving as part of their therapy."

If any of these exercises brings up anger or frustration with your partner--or simply makes you a little uncomfortable--it's important to express yourself honestly without attacking, just as you should with any conflict Try to work through your discomfort, Berman says, but if you're feeling very upset or unusually uncomfortable, don't push yourself; read the information in Week One about how to know if you might benefit from working with a therapist.

Whether you do it on your own or with help, exploring your sexual boundaries can help you two maintain a passionate bond for a lifetime. "Your sexual responses change throughout your life, so it's important to take the pulse of your sex life every now and then," Berman notes. "Something you might have been totally opposed to trying five years ago might be something you're now fantasizing about. Or the moves that worked before to get you in the mood might not work anymore. Revisiting your sexual needs will help you to keep growing and changing as a couple, and that's all part of being in a vibrant, healthy sexual relationship."

--J.K.

By: Anka Radakovich and Jeannie Kim

Why You're Not Having Sex

2006-11-08T00:06:00.000-08:00

By Ayana Mathis, Essence

Sheets gone cold? Three ways to heat things up in the bedroom

We all know how good lovin' feels, but sometimes there can be barriers to getting as much of it as we'd like; work schedules, family commitments, even health issues. The good news is that it's easy to identify your sexual challenges and find solutions to put the romance back in your life. Here's how:

1 PROBLEM: LOW LIBIDO
Does the mere thought of his hand caressing your thigh give you a chill instead of a warm tingly feeling? Low libido has many causes, including depression (and ironically, the drugs that treat it), stress, high blood pressure and diabetes medications, and birth control pills.

SOLUTION: Talk to your doctor, if medications are the culprit, change the time of day you take them so they're at their lowest levels when you typically have sex. If you're on birth control pills and having problems with your libido, consider switching to another kind.

2 PROBLEM: FATIGUE
Work, family commitments and your social life have you so busy that you're knocked out before your head even hits the pillow--making sex a distant memory.

SOLUTION: Get some rest! You need energy to want and enjoy sex. Schedule lovemaking when you're not as tired. "Don't think sex has to be spontaneous. Planned sex can be very exciting," says Hilda Hutcherson, M.D. And if you're exhausted because you're overworked (at home and in the office), don't be afraid to delegate. "Figure out what you don't have to do on your own, and ask friends or family to help," says Hutcherson. She also recommends getting some exercise, which can help boost energy.

3 PROBLEM: NO PARTNER
Yes, it's frustrating when we don't have anyone to be intimate with, and that can lead to putting our sexual desires on lockdown.

SOLUTION: Self love. "You don't have to have a partner to be a sexual being," Hutcherson says. Some women experience their best orgasms solo. Try masturbating in the shower or Jacuzzi, using the water for stimulation.

Why You're Not Having Sex

2006-11-03T14:13:00.000-08:00

By Ayana Mathis, Essence

Sheets gone cold? Three ways to heat things up in the bedroom

We all know how good lovin' feels, but sometimes there can be barriers to getting as much of it as we'd like; work schedules, family commitments, even health issues. The good news is that it's easy to identify your sexual challenges and find solutions to put the romance back in your life. Here's how:

1 PROBLEM: LOW LIBIDO
Does the mere thought of his hand caressing your thigh give you a chill instead of a warm tingly feeling? Low libido has many causes, including depression (and ironically, the drugs that treat it), stress, high blood pressure and diabetes medications, and birth control pills.

SOLUTION: Talk to your doctor, if medications are the culprit, change the time of day you take them so they're at their lowest levels when you typically have sex. If you're on birth control pills and having problems with your libido, consider switching to another kind.

2 PROBLEM: FATIGUE
Work, family commitments and your social life have you so busy that you're knocked out before your head even hits the pillow--making sex a distant memory.

SOLUTION: Get some rest! You need energy to want and enjoy sex. Schedule lovemaking when you're not as tired. "Don't think sex has to be spontaneous. Planned sex can be very exciting," says Hilda Hutcherson, M.D. And if you're exhausted because you're overworked (at home and in the office), don't be afraid to delegate. "Figure out what you don't have to do on your own, and ask friends or family to help," says Hutcherson. She also recommends getting some exercise, which can help boost energy.

3 PROBLEM: NO PARTNER
Yes, it's frustrating when we don't have anyone to be intimate with, and that can lead to putting our sexual desires on lockdown.

SOLUTION: Self love. "You don't have to have a partner to be a sexual being," Hutcherson says. Some women experience their best orgasms solo. Try masturbating in the shower or Jacuzzi, using the water for stimulation.

Tourists flock to the World Trade Center site, but for New Yorkers, 9/11 is history

2006-10-14T09:29:00.000-07:00

THE TOURISTS STILL ARRIVE at the edge of the void. In summer, they wear shorts and T-shirts and Baseball caps. In winter, they bundle up against the harbor wind. They don't gawk. They make no stupid jokes.

"It was right over there, Ruth," a beefy man says, pointing to the emptiness where the North Tower once stood. "Remember? When we came to New York that time? We ate at Windows on the World."

"I remember," his wife says and pauses, squinting into the sky. "Up there at the top. The view was amazing."

Yes, it was, and that view has been gone now for five years. Most of today's visitors come from elsewhere in the States, but you hear the languages of the world as they gaze together at the void. Most speak very little. The visitors peer through high wire fences at what has become a 16-acre construction site. They can see the rough accidental cross formed by intersecting steel beams, a remnant of the South Tower. They can hear the hammering of rivet guns and the grinding of heavy machinery but they can see nothing of the work. Five years later, the building is going on below street level. Still, they come to the site. They assemble as if in prayer, the largest group staring up at the panels of the timeline of September II, 2001, attached to the fence. Memory is so dense in the air that it seems tangible. Memories of where they were on that terrible day Memories of happy times spent when the World Trade Center towers still rose to challenge the sky. And then they move on.

That is, they resemble New York itself. For those of us who were here that morning, the horror can rise again at odd moments: at the sound of a police siren, a low-flying airliner, a fire truck screaming to someplace unseen. The heart skips. We pause, look anxiously skyward, and then the moment passes.

New Yorkers have long since moved on. The subject of terrorism seldom comes up anymore. We know only too well that terrorists exist. "But if you think about that all the time, you go nuts," said my friend Raymundo Martinez, who works in the Broadway Café around the corner from where I live in Lower Manhattan. "You can't live afraid. You can't look at your kids and think some nut will kill them, or kill me. You get up and go to work."

Most New Yorkers have donned the armor of a healthy fatalism, which allows them to shrug off the scare stories that appear from time to time. "That's mostly politics," my friend Tim Lee said. "They figure if you get scared bad enough, you might vote for them."

There may be people permanently traumatized by September II, but there is little sign of them. The city's economy has long since recovered. Real estate and housing cost more than ever. The lines at fashionable restaurants are long. The ballparks, arenas, theaters are full. Times Square and other public plazas are packed. In good weather, parks along the rivers are full of people strolling at dusk, lovers holding hands, joggers and walkers squeezing past bicyclists. Hundreds Of them pass within a block of Ground Zero.

There remain some prime targets for terrorists. Most vulnerable, of course, are the subways. But even here, fatalism persists. Daily ridership is up to 4.8 million a day, the highest in years. On the crowded subway trains, you even see people dozing after a long day's work something they would not have done 15 years ago, when crime was rampant. There are police at certain key stations, watching for signs of danger. But you don't feel that you've descended into the tunnels of a police state.

The true changes to New York since September n are more subtle and might be more enduring. To begin with, there is the continuing presence of better manners. New York is a city of dozens of minor collisions; it's part of the deal when there are too many people and too little space. So when someone inadvertently bumps into someone else on the subway and says, "Excuse me," that is a revolutionary change. On any given day, you can see New Yorkers helping old people across the hazardous streets. You can see young men helping women carry baby carriages up the stairs of subway stations. You can see New Yorkers giving directions to obvious tourists (wearing white shoes and holding maps) and even smiling. New Yorkers still live as if they're double-parked, but some sea change has taken place, a recognition that we're all in this together.

Much more important to the future of the city, race has faded as a daily, ugly irritation. It has not disappeared; New York is, after all, an American city. But the rhetoric has cooled. Few people, black or white, now insist that race is a single explanation for all of society's ills. One reason is obvious: on September II, people of all races died. But the endless conflicts of race were also eased by the performance of Mayor Michael Bloomberg, who was elected after September II (when Rudolph Giuliani could not run again because of term limits). Giuliani's confrontational style was replaced by Bloomberg's good manners and insistence on intelligent compromise. The Bloomberg approach recognized that not all problems were nails to be hit with hammers. The approach worked.

There are some enduring problems. Most New Yorkers have lost interest in the vehement, crabbed argument over the nature of a memorial to those who died on September II. That argument has now lasted a year longer than it took the United States to fight its share of World War II. Most of the people I know would like to live long enough to see a memorial rise from the construction site. They'd like to walk around on an autumn afternoon and hear birdsong from the trees and children giggling at play and old men sitting on benches, reading Yeats. But the memorial and the rebuilding no longer matter as much as they once did.

Most New Yorkers are enjoying their city, for as long as it is possible. New York is better now than it has ever been in the seven decades of my lifetime. Poverty has been drastically reduced. The plague of crack cocaine has faded. Schools are better The streets are safer than they've been since the 1950s. New York, of course, is not a perfect city. It is harder and harder for young working people to find places where they can afford to live. Many of the city's glories-from theaters to restaurants--are too expensive for ordinary citizens. Amid the largest immigration wave in a century, another generation of newcomers is discovering what most New Yorkers have always known: the streets, alas, are not paved with gold.

But in my experience, almost all New Yorkers, old and new, have gotten over September II, 2001. They face each morning with those qualities that have always helped them through the days and nights: optimism, irony, intelligence and laughter. Prophecy is a fool's game, but I want to believe that even in these demented times, those human qualities will prevail.

By: Hamill, Pete, Smithsonian, Sep2006

Connected Traveler: Los Angeles

2006-10-14T03:19:00.000-07:00

BEST WIRED HOTELS Marina del Rey Marriott
4100 Admiralty Way, Marina del Rey marriott.com/property/propertypage/LAXMB

This hotel near the beach offers safe-deposit boxes in guest rooms and at the front desk. Wireless access is available in the meeting rooms and in the lobby; high-speed wired access in your room goes for $9.95 per day. which also includes all local and long-distance calls.

The Crescent
403 N. Crescent Drive, Beverly Hills www.crescentbh.com

At this hotel, it's all about the music. Each room comes with a preloaded Apple iPod. Like something you hear? Buy the CD from the in-room music minibar, which is stocked with a special blend of tunes. Or buy the Pod itself when you check out Of course, with a fiat-screen TV, DVD and CD player, and wireless Internet in your room, you may never actually leave it.

Wilshire Grand
930 Wilshire Blvd, www.wilshiregrand.com

Minutes from the LA Convention Center, this hotel hasanon-site business center that offers photocopying, faxing, and shipping services, as well as desktop computers and laptop docks. All guest rooms have complimentary high-speed Internet access and multiline phones.

TOP TECH ATTRACTIONS Six Flags Magic Mountain 26101 Magic Mountain Parkway, Valencia www.sixflags.com/parks/magicmountain
You don't have to take any wacky drugs to fly high at Magic Mountain. New this season is Tatsu, a 3,600-foot roller coaster whose 3.5-minute ride reaches 62 mph and includes a 124-foot pretzel loop and a 96-foot-tall zero-g roll. Riders are strapped to the coaster in a flying position to add to the thrill. Too scared? Check out video of the full ride on their Web site.

Museum of Jurassic Technology 9341 Venice Blvd., Culver City www.mjt.org
The oxymoronic name betrays the oddity of this obscure museum, which is actually more of a display of curiosities, including an exhibit so small it requires a microscope to see. The strangeness of the place is apparent right away: It's always locked, so you have to ring a doorbell to gain entrance. Go with an open mind.

FREE WI-FI HOT SPOTS Water Lily Café
120 S, Topanga Canyon Blvd., Topanga Canyon Enjoy your Wi-Fi with a side of organic greens or a cup of fresh-roasted coffee. Mingle with local artists and enjoy free live music at this canyon hangout not far from the Pacific Coast Highway.

Diedrich Coffeehouse
732 Montana Avenue, Santa Monica Fresh and delicious coffee is served up along with free wireless at this and many other locations in LA and Orange counties.

Whole Foods Market
6350 W. 3rd St.

Check your portfolio while you get your Yuppie on at this health food emporium. Try not to get any mango salsa on your laptop.

WHILE YOU'RE IN TOWN Certainly art isn't the first thing that comes to mind when you visit LA, but it could be soon. The Getty Center museum (www.getty.edu) at 1200 Getty Center Drive, set on a 110-acre hillside just off the 405 freeway and also accessible by computer-operated tram ride, can't be missed. There's no fee for admission to the Getty's several buildings, which are filled with European paintings and European and American photographs, beautiful gardens and lawns, and a view of Los Angeles — the ocean, the mountains, and the busy city grid.

AIRPORT FACTS LAX (www.lawa.org) has partnered with T-Mobile to offer Wi-Fi access for $9.99 per 24-hour period. It's worth it if you're smogged in for that long. LAX is also the only airport with a hit song: "LA International Airport" was a Top 10 country hit in 1971. Long Beach Airport (www.longbeach.gov/airport), midway between Los Angeles and Orange County, offers free Wi-Fi, a "cell phone waiting lot" — where drivers can wait for the people they're picking up to call — and online tracking of flight activity.

By: McLaughlin, Molly K., PC Magazine

It Takes a Village

2006-10-14T03:16:00.000-07:00

Some say they were raped by soldiers training nearby;: others were abused by their own menfolk. Outraged, the Samburu women of Kenya decided to create their own safe haven

Rebecca Lolosoli is the chief of Umoja, a rural village in the Samburu region of Central Kenya made up almost entirely of women and children. Many of the women say they were raped by British soldiers, who have trained in the region for more than 50 years. In a class-action suit filed three years ago against the British military, the women alleged that the soldiers raped as many as 1,400 Samburu women over a 20-year period. With the case pending, Kenya renewed the British army's lease earlier this year.

In being violated, the Samburu women were seen as having shamed their husbands, who beat and banished them, The women built makeshift huts nearby, one here, one there, only to be uprooted by men who found sport in tormenting them. The women struggled to support themselves and their children until 1990, when Lolosoli, who had fled her home after almost being killed by some of the men in her village, realized that if they came together they stood more of a chance than they did living alone.

The women named their village Umoja Uaso--Umoja, meaning unity in Swahili, and Uaso, for the Uaso Nyiro River that swirls through Samburu land. They earn money selling beaded jewelry and running a campsite for tourists, Last year, Lolosoti, who is in her early forties, told the women's stories at a United Nations conference on gender empowerment in New York, and this month, she will speak at universities across the States, She says it's easy to ignore a group of uneducated women crying out from distant African dust lands, but she's determined to make the world look.

REBECCA'S STORY
The British soldiers wore green uniforms, so they blended with the trees, As the women went roger firewood. the soldiers would jump out and rape them, sometimes sodomize them. Many men would tape one woman and laugh like it was a game.

Samburu women were afraid to talk about these things. They feared it would get back to their husbands, Those who found out beat or tried to kill their wives. They told the women, "Go away and take your kids--I don't want the children of a whore!" When your husband kicks you out, you leave with nothing-not a goat, not a cow, So the women started selling firewood and brewing changaa to earn money, But it is illegal to sell this local liquor, and the women were jailed, many leaving young children without caregivers, Some of the children were eaten by hyenas.

I started going to local government meetings to speak on behalf of these women. I told the women that. we should start a small business, So in 1990, we started selling vegetables, which we had to buy from others as we didn't know how to farm. We decided instead to sell our beadwork to tourists. We formed a village so that we could protect one another and market our village as a tourist attraction. We charge tourists a 300-shilling ($4) fee, which covers lectures and a tour.

Some men set up their own village nearby to block the road and stop tourists from coming here. Once, 30 warriors came to beat us in front of the tourists so that they would think this place is corrupt. We decided we had to buy this land so that the men could not drive us away, The land was 200,000 shillings ($2,700). and we saved for four months for the down payment. One tourist came and bought 20,000 shillings ($270) worth of trinkets. Another time. five busloads of tourists came, and when they heard our story, they purchased many things from us.

After we applied for the land, the men came here and beat us because they said that women should not own land At the council meeting they said, "Have you heard of a woman owning land? It's because of this Rebecca. We have to shoot her if we want our women to come back. It's the only way we will get these women to be women again," I was just outside listening. When one of the men came out. he told me. "You know, we want to shoot you," I just laughed and said, "Okay, you'll find me in the village." I was not afraid. What could I do? I have nowhere else to go. This is our land. If God has written that I should die here, then why should I be afraid?

My own husband was not bad to me, We married when I was 18, and he paid a dowry of 17 cows. But four men in the village didn't like me because I started selling goods, and they beat me and took my money. When I started talking about helping these rape victims. When said, "She's talking a bout women's rights like she knows more than everyone." The next time my husband left on business, the four men beat me severely. After I left the hospital, my parents said I should rejoin my husband. He said nothing about what the men had done, and I realized that they could kill me, so I left.

The problem is that Samburu women have no rights-no right to own livestock or land, to go to school, even to choose a husband. If a Samburu man kills his wife, no one cares, He paid the dowry, so he owns her.

Nobody cared that these women were being raped. The only reason thai anyone listened is because people started complaining about other things. The soldiers were leaving used condoms on the ground, and the children were blowing them up like balloons. We didn't know what they were--I thought they were something for treating wounds--but it was unsanitary, so we complained to the county council. Also, many of our children and livestock were killed by ex plosives. My husband, the counselor for our area, alerted the Kenyan and British governments. That's how the British lawyer. Martyn Day, became involved. He learned of the rapes and asked if we wanted to file a complaint,

The British military police came to investigate, They wanted to interview the women without a translator. I told one of the bosses, "You are not going to take these women, and you have to employ Samburu girls who speak English to translate." He said that he would report that no rapes had occurred, and I said. "Fine. You just go. You'll be back," He left for a while, but the British military sent him back and hired eight girls to translate. He paid them about 30,000 shillings ($411) per month. Still, nothing has been done.

Before, we didn't know our rights because we are not educated. That's why we built a nursery school here two years ago, to provide a good foundation for out children. On Sundays, we also gather the women in the classroom to teach them some English They should at least know how to write their names and count their money.

We employed men to build our school and to work at our campsite. Other men ask them. "How can you work for women?" One of our workers replied, "I am trying to feed my children. If these women have money to pay, why shouldn't I?" Each woman gives 10 percent of her earnings to the village. At the end of the month, we decide how to allocate money. We pay our teachers and our workers, and if some women need extra money, it is given.

Life in Umoja is good Some of us looked very old when we came here, but now that we are eating well and are no longer stressed, we are young again. Some of the men in a nearby village harass us, but we are trying to get some doors for our huts so that we can lock them out. Mostly, we ignore them We are too busy living.

By: Lolosoli, Rebecca, Armstrong, Lisa, Essence, Oct2006

It Takes a Village

2006-10-14T01:57:00.000-07:00

Some say they were raped by soldiers training nearby;: others were abused by their own menfolk. Outraged, the Samburu women of Kenya decided to create their own safe haven

Rebecca Lolosoli is the chief of Umoja, a rural village in the Samburu region of Central Kenya made up almost entirely of women and children. Many of the women say they were raped by British soldiers, who have trained in the region for more than 50 years. In a class-action suit filed three years ago against the British military, the women alleged that the soldiers raped as many as 1,400 Samburu women over a 20-year period. With the case pending, Kenya renewed the British army's lease earlier this year.

In being violated, the Samburu women were seen as having shamed their husbands, who beat and banished them, The women built makeshift huts nearby, one here, one there, only to be uprooted by men who found sport in tormenting them. The women struggled to support themselves and their children until 1990, when Lolosoli, who had fled her home after almost being killed by some of the men in her village, realized that if they came together they stood more of a chance than they did living alone.

The women named their village Umoja Uaso--Umoja, meaning unity in Swahili, and Uaso, for the Uaso Nyiro River that swirls through Samburu land. They earn money selling beaded jewelry and running a campsite for tourists, Last year, Lolosoti, who is in her early forties, told the women's stories at a United Nations conference on gender empowerment in New York, and this month, she will speak at universities across the States, She says it's easy to ignore a group of uneducated women crying out from distant African dust lands, but she's determined to make the world look.

REBECCA'S STORY
The British soldiers wore green uniforms, so they blended with the trees, As the women went roger firewood. the soldiers would jump out and rape them, sometimes sodomize them. Many men would tape one woman and laugh like it was a game.

Samburu women were afraid to talk about these things. They feared it would get back to their husbands, Those who found out beat or tried to kill their wives. They told the women, "Go away and take your kids--I don't want the children of a whore!" When your husband kicks you out, you leave with nothing-not a goat, not a cow, So the women started selling firewood and brewing changaa to earn money, But it is illegal to sell this local liquor, and the women were jailed, many leaving young children without caregivers, Some of the children were eaten by hyenas.

I started going to local government meetings to speak on behalf of these women. I told the women that. we should start a small business, So in 1990, we started selling vegetables, which we had to buy from others as we didn't know how to farm. We decided instead to sell our beadwork to tourists. We formed a village so that we could protect one another and market our village as a tourist attraction. We charge tourists a 300-shilling ($4) fee, which covers lectures and a tour.

Some men set up their own village nearby to block the road and stop tourists from coming here. Once, 30 warriors came to beat us in front of the tourists so that they would think this place is corrupt. We decided we had to buy this land so that the men could not drive us away, The land was 200,000 shillings ($2,700). and we saved for four months for the down payment. One tourist came and bought 20,000 shillings ($270) worth of trinkets. Another time. five busloads of tourists came, and when they heard our story, they purchased many things from us.

After we applied for the land, the men came here and beat us because they said that women should not own land At the council meeting they said, "Have you heard of a woman owning land? It's because of this Rebecca. We have to shoot her if we want our women to come back. It's the only way we will get these women to be women again," I was just outside listening. When one of the men came out. he told me. "You know, we want to shoot you," I just laughed and said, "Okay, you'll find me in the village." I was not afraid. What could I do? I have nowhere else to go. This is our land. If God has written that I should die here, then why should I be afraid?

My own husband was not bad to me, We married when I was 18, and he paid a dowry of 17 cows. But four men in the village didn't like me because I started selling goods, and they beat me and took my money. When I started talking about helping these rape victims. When said, "She's talking a bout women's rights like she knows more than everyone." The next time my husband left on business, the four men beat me severely. After I left the hospital, my parents said I should rejoin my husband. He said nothing about what the men had done, and I realized that they could kill me, so I left.

The problem is that Samburu women have no rights-no right to own livestock or land, to go to school, even to choose a husband. If a Samburu man kills his wife, no one cares, He paid the dowry, so he owns her.

Nobody cared that these women were being raped. The only reason thai anyone listened is because people started complaining about other things. The soldiers were leaving used condoms on the ground, and the children were blowing them up like balloons. We didn't know what they were--I thought they were something for treating wounds--but it was unsanitary, so we complained to the county council. Also, many of our children and livestock were killed by ex plosives. My husband, the counselor for our area, alerted the Kenyan and British governments. That's how the British lawyer. Martyn Day, became involved. He learned of the rapes and asked if we wanted to file a complaint,

The British military police came to investigate, They wanted to interview the women without a translator. I told one of the bosses, "You are not going to take these women, and you have to employ Samburu girls who speak English to translate." He said that he would report that no rapes had occurred, and I said. "Fine. You just go. You'll be back," He left for a while, but the British military sent him back and hired eight girls to translate. He paid them about 30,000 shillings ($411) per month. Still, nothing has been done.

Before, we didn't know our rights because we are not educated. That's why we built a nursery school here two years ago, to provide a good foundation for out children. On Sundays, we also gather the women in the classroom to teach them some English They should at least know how to write their names and count their money.

We employed men to build our school and to work at our campsite. Other men ask them. "How can you work for women?" One of our workers replied, "I am trying to feed my children. If these women have money to pay, why shouldn't I?" Each woman gives 10 percent of her earnings to the village. At the end of the month, we decide how to allocate money. We pay our teachers and our workers, and if some women need extra money, it is given.

Life in Umoja is good Some of us looked very old when we came here, but now that we are eating well and are no longer stressed, we are young again. Some of the men in a nearby village harass us, but we are trying to get some doors for our huts so that we can lock them out. Mostly, we ignore them We are too busy living.

By: Lolosoli, Rebecca, Armstrong, Lisa, Essence, Oct2006

Meatheads Take la Cité

2006-10-08T20:49:00.000-07:00

"Our film crew headed to Le Massif this spring, but with rain driving us off the slopes, our resident Quebecois--Simon Thomson--showed us around. Sure, it's old and full of cathedrals, but, man, can this place party."

1. Ozone
We started the night playing pool and drinking a Few pitchers of Richard's--that's Quebecois for "Killian's"--at this popular sports bar. Young skiers and riders pack the place early for sushi and sake, and the late-night lines can be atrocious. There weren't any drink specials, but as Stephanie, a university-bound cutie, told us, "Every night is special." Oui. Stephaniel [570 Grande-Allée Est]

2. Chez Dagobert
This three-level nightclub is one of Quebec City's most famous. Upstairs, saucy femmes in tank tops and spandex danced on tables white videographer Geoff McDonald and I tripped out to the Pink Floyd--worthy light show. (Bar owners reportedly spent $4 million on It!) Later, on the first floor, we joined flannel-clad, head-banging moshers while Franco-Canadian metal cover band Alcoolica ripped through some Metallica. Don't miss the C$3.25 Jaeger shot special on Sundays. [600 Grande-Allée Est]

3. Pub Saint-Alexandre
The 200 varieties of beer at this laid-back pub are intimidating, but friendly barkeeps, a detectable scotch menu, live music, and cheap pub fare make Pub Saint-Alexandre a great spot to kick it after a long day of shredding. But with no skiing waiting for us the next morning, our night was just getting started. [1087 rue St-Jean]

4. Pub St. Patrick's
Hearty pints of Guinness, warm glasses of Jameson's, and car bombs among chain-smoking cheese-eaters: It's an Irish bar in Quebec. The four of us rolled up to the rail and joined 150 or so patrons jigging to live Irish music and pounding through kegs. By the time we left, halt a dozen empty kegs were stacked in the hallway. Just imagine what St. Paddy's Day must be like. [1200 rue St-Jean]

5. Maurice
A two-level dance club/restaurant, Maurice is more chill than neighboring Dagobert. We started upstairs in the trendy lounge, but the combination of pop music and prowling cougars made it a bit uncomfortable Downstairs, the vibe was younger, with female DJs spinning hip-hop and bachelor parties scarfing Creole specialities at the adjoining Voodoo Grill The best part? Scantily dad beauties go-go dancing in cages on either side of the turntables. [575 Grande-Allée Est]

6. Bar Sainte-Angèle
Only serious locals know about this hole-in-the-wall dive just off of Rue St-Jean. It was dosed when we visited, but as one native said: "You don't walk out of there sober," Look for the spoakeasy-style door and battered wooden sign. [26 rue Sainte-Angèle]

7. Hotel Manoir Lafayette
The ornate rooms at this three-star hotel would do Versailles proud, and the heart of the city's nightlife is within easy stumbling distance. Winter-season rooms start at C$79 and free wireless access. [vleux-quebec.com

8. Le Funiculaire
Strap on a fanny pack and play tourist on this glorified elevator that provides the best view of the old city [C$1.50 funiculaire.quebec.com]

By: Morabito, Joe, Skiing, 00376264, Sep2006

Rear-Ended Relationship?

2006-07-20T13:54:00.000-07:00

My boyfriend and I had a great sex life, but he had always wanted to try anal sex. Since it was important to him, I thought I should give it a try. It did nothing for me, but he loved it. Now it’s all he wants to do! We’ve only had regular intercourse twice in three months, and I miss it. Is there something wrong with him for only wanting that? Is it dangerous? How can I get our sex life back to the way it was before?

There is nothing “wrong” with your boyfriend’s enjoyment of anal sex, but it does carry some physiological risks: The anus is not all that elastic, and it tears easily, leaving it vulnerable to infection. The vagina, however, is more supple and naturally guarded by the presence of friendly bacteria, so it’s a safer opening for penetration. With gentleness and a lubricant such as K-Y Jelly, anal sex can be included in a couple’s sex life every so often if they both enjoy it. Notice I said both. It doesn’t sound like its your thing. When you talk to your boyfriend –and you will have to–he will probably say that he likes the tightness of anal sex. But the vagina is, in fact, a perfect fit for the average penis, so unless he is very, very small, he should find vaginal intercourse satisfying. Chances are, what he truly likes is the element of domination and subjugation that anal sex represents. If I were you, I’d think about how I feel about this balance of power–some couples enjoy this dynamic. If you’re comfortable with it, tell him you do not mind anal sex once in a while, but you do not find it altogether satisfying. You can get your sex life back on track, but only with his willingness to compromise. If he’s not willing to do that, then you need to find someone who puts your physical and emotional well-being first.

Annoying Alcoholic

My friend stopped drinking recently and joined Alcoholics Anonymous. I’m glad–she drank too much and did some stupid things like behave promiscuously–but now she’s impossible. All she wants to talk about is who’s an alcoholic. It makes me self-conscious around her, like if I have a beer, she’ll say I’m one too. How can I approach her about this?

Well-intentioned friends and relatives of alcoholics sometimes harbor a secret wish for their loved one to continue being me out-of-control person she used to be. Could you possibly be irked because she no longer comes to you with her problems or provides drama in your life with her drunken escapades? If so, then talk to her about how you’re feeling and see if there are healthier ways you can keep me closeness you have. But if you are truly annoyed by her obsession with alcoholism, remember that it is still early in her sobriety. When she is more secure that she can stay off me sauce, she will relax, but for the moment, every drink she sees–even in me hands of someone else–is a threat to her and her newfound mental health. Be patient with her. The time will come when she is stronger, and you will be able to tell her that although she suffers from a serious condition, not everyone is similarly afflicted, and she needs to ease up on others–even as she remains vigilant about her own habits.

Fixated on Phone Sex

My husband is addicted to calling Phone Sex lines. He said he wouldn’t do it again, but our phone bill was really high, so I ordered an itemized bill and found he’s bean calling these sleazy numbers several times a day! I don’t trust him and don’t sac how I can stay d to him. What can I do?

This is a two pronged problem: your husband’s apparent addiction to phone-sex lines and the dynamic of distrust in your marriage. The two are reinforcing each other, so you need to address them both. First, approach your husband about his clandestine calling in a nonaccusatory way. Tell him you’re worried that he’s resorting to me fantasy world of phone sex to achieve satisfaction because he’s not happy with you, instead of putting all he can into your relationship and sex life. Explain why you feel hurt when he makes these calls, and ask him if he’ll speak to a therapist about the problem mat is jeopardizing your marriage. A counselor can help you two get to the root of it–perhaps your husband is afraid of the intimacy a real woman demands and prefers a disembodied voice on the phone. Maybe he feels something is lacking between you two, and knowing that would allow you both to correct it. Then you can work together to reestablish trust, for if he thinks you don’t trust him anyway, he may sneak around and call the phone-sex lines–as long as he’s not going to be trusted, the reasoning goes, he may as well have the fun he’s being blamed for. This is a solvable problem, though, as long as you do your best to approach it with openness and without condemnation for his addiction.

Dad’s Disaster Date

I’m 23, and my parents divorced when I was a teenager. Now, I just found out my dad is dating one of my friends from high school. We’re not that tight anymore, but I am angry that she’s dating my dad alter knowing how the breakup tore me up et the time. I know I don’t have a right to tell them not to see each other, but don’t I have any rights at all?

Your father and your friend are both over the age of consent, so it’s their right to date each other. You, however, have the right to feel weird about their dating. And I guess you have the right to tell them you feel weird, although I wouldn’t expect them to stop seeing each other on the basis of your feelings about their relationship. First, decide for yourself if you will feel comfortable spending any time with them as a couple or if you’d prefer to be out of the loop when it comes to their affair. Then ask them to be respectful of your feelings on the subject. Hopefully, they’ll respect where you’re coming from, and you’ll all get used to the new arrangement. If not, take heart: If their relationship ends (which it most likely will, because in general most do end and they have a vast age difference to negotiate), you will have the right to say “I told you so!”

Pornographic Playtime

I am married and the mother of an adorable 6-year-old girl. One day, I found her pretending that her dolls were having sex. I know kids do that, but she was saying very sexually explicit things in the dolls’ voices, some of which I can’t even repeat. I asked her where she heard those words, and she said “on TV.” Is it possible that she’s being abused?

Bring out the dolls again, sit beside her when she plays with them, and ask her questions in a gentle way. She may have more to tell you than she wanted to earlier when she sensed your horror and concern and was scared. If you have access to one of the adult TV channels or if you have been careless with adult videos, it is possible a clever little girl could have sneaked a look or perhaps a precocious little friend taught her the things she said. Is your relationship with your husband trusting enough that you can talk to him about what you discover? I hope so. Because if you cannot get to the source of her grown-up knowledge on your own, I would recommend that you and your husband go with your little girl to a child psychologist, who can gently help answer a question that must not go unanswered.

Lonely After Loss

Ever since my best friend was killed in a car accident a year ago, I haven’t been able to make new friends. I’m lonely, but every time someone tries to get close to me, I shy away. I can’t go through the pain of losing someone again. How can finally get back to normal?
A year is not a very long time to accept the loss of a very close friend. Naturally, you are still afraid of suffering that kind of pain again. Also, I suspect that you feel, as many mourners do, that to make new friends would be to betray the memory of the one you’ve lost. But please, try to imagine what she would want for you now. She would want you to lead a full, happy life. Relax and let time help you grieve for your loss. In your heart, there will always be a memorial to your friend who loved you as you loved her; you will always miss her. But someday soon, you will be able to celebrate her life, live your own life, and not think only of her death.

Source: Cosmopolitan

ESSAY 1 AUSTRALIA

2006-06-29T17:32:00.000-07:00

CONTENT

LOCATED

ABORIGINES - THE FIRST AUSTRALIANS

WHO DISCOVERED AUSTRALIA

CANBERRA

COOBER PEDY

GREAT BARRIER REEF

NEW SOUTH WALES

THE DANDENONGS

THE PEOPLES OF AUSTRALIA

WALTZING MATILDA

MELBOURNE

SYDNEY

SYDNEY

2006-06-29T17:31:00.000-07:00

THE CITY

Sydney is Australia's oldest and largest city. About 3.8 million people live in the greater Sydney area. The defining symbols of Sydney are its Opera House and "coat hanger bridge".
Sydney is the commercial capital of Australia.
The people of Sydney came from all over the world.

OPERA HOUSE

The Opera House, situated at Bennelong Point, is an absolutely exquisite building. Its roof-line is meant to symbolise the bellowing "sails" of sailing ships of a bygone era and the spinnakers of the racing yachts that ply the harbour today.
The Sydney Opera House:
• Took 14 years to build and cost $102,000,0000 when completed in 1973.
• Was designed by the Danish architect Jorn Utzon.
• Covers 1.8 hectares (4.5 acres).
• Is 185 metres (611 feet) long, 120 metres (380 feet) wide and the tip of its highest arch is 67 metres (221 feet) above sea level.
• Roofs are made up of 2,194 pre-cast concert sections held together by 350 kilometres (217 miles) of steel cable.
• Roofs are covered with over 1,056,000 tiles.
• Hosts over 3000 events each year with audiences of around 2 million people.
• Has nearly 200,000 visitors on guided tours each year.

THE HARBOUR BRIDGE

The Sydney Harbour Bridge took seven years to build and was opened in 1932.
• The steel used for the bridge weights over 52,800 tonnes.
• There are over 6 million steel rivets in the bridge.
• It took till 1988 to finally pay off the cost of building the bridge.
• It takes 30,00 0 lifers of paint to paint the bridge.

HISTORY OF SYDNEY

The Aboriginal people lived around the area that is now Sydney for thousands of years before the first european settlers arrived in the 1770's.
The area that is now Sydney was named Port Jackson by captain James Cook when he visited the east coast of Australia in 1770. Port Jackson was selected by Captain Arthur Phillip as the most suitable site for the first european settlement in Australia in 1788. He named the place after the British Prime Minister at the time: Lord Sydney.
The colony faced many hardships and near starvation trying to grow crops in this new land. After the initial difficulties however the colony grew rapidly as new migrates arrived in larger numbers.

WALTZING MATILDA

2006-06-29T17:27:00.000-07:00

Waltzing Matilda is an Australian icon.
It is quite likely that more Australians know the words to this song than the national anthem.
There is probably no other song that is more easily recognised by a populace: young or old: ocker or a newly arrived immigrant.

Once a jolly swagman camped by a billabong,
Under the shade of a coolibah tree,
And he sang as he watched and waited 'til his billy boiled
"Who'll come a-waltzing, Matilda, with me?"
Waltzing Matilda, Waltzing Matilda
Who'll come a-waltzing, Matilda, with me
And he sang as he watched and waited 'til his billy boiled,
"Who'll come a-waltzing, Matilda, with me?"

Along came a jumbuck to drink at the billabong,
Up jumped the swagman and grabbed him with glee,
And he sang as he stowed that jumbuck in his tucker bag,
"You'll come a-waltzing, Matilda, with me".

Waltzing Matilda, Waltzing Matilda
Who'll come a-waltzing, Matilda, with me
And he sang as he watched and waited 'til his billy boiled,
"Who'll come a-waltzing, Matilda, with me?".

Up rode the squatter, mounted on his thoroughbred,
Down came the troopers, one, two, three,
"Whose is that jumbuck you've got in your tucker bag?"
"You'll come a-waltzing, Matilda, with me".

Waltzing Matilda, Waltzing Matilda
Who'll come a-waltzing, Matilda, with me
And he sang as he watched and waited 'til his billy boiled,
"Who'll come a-waltzing, Matilda, with me?".

Up jumped the swagman, leapt into the billabong,
"You'll never catch me alive," said he,
And his ghost may be heard as you pass by the billabong,
"Who'll come a-waltzing, Matilda, with me".

Waltzing Matilda, Waltzing Matilda
Who'll come a-waltzing, Matilda, with me
And he sang as he watched and waited 'til his billy boiled,
"Who'll come a-waltzing, Matilda, with me?"

What does Waltzing Matilda mean?

The phrase Waltzing Matilda is believed to have originated with German immigrants who settled in Australia.
Waltzing is derived from the German term auf der walz which meant to travel while learning a trade. Young apprentices in those days travelled the country working under a master craftsman earning their living as they went - sleeping where they could.
Matilda has Teutonic origins and means Mighty Battle Maiden. It is believed to have been given to female camp followers who accompanied soldiers during the Thirty Year wars in Europe. This came to mean "to be kept warm at night" and later to mean the great army coats or blankets that soldiers wrapped themselves with. These were rolled into a swag tossed over their shoulder while marching.
So the phrase Waltzing Matilda came to mean: to travel from place to place in search of work with all one's belongings on one's back wrapped in a blanket or cloth. This is what Swagmen did in outback Australia.

How Did the Song Originate?

Andrew Barton (Banjo) Patterson [1864-1941] was a solicitor (lawyer) by profession and lived and worked in Sydney, Australia.
In 1895 Banjo and his fiancee, Sarah Riley, visited the Dagworth Homestead a station in outback Queensland. This station was owned by the family of one of Sarah's school friends: Christina Macpherson. While at the station Banjo heard Christina play a tune called the "Craigeelee" on an autoharp. Banjo liked the "whimsicality and dreaminess" of the tune and thought it would be nice to set some words to it.
During his stay Bob Macpherson took Banjo around the station where they stopped at the Combo Waterhole where they found the skin of a newly killed sheep. Obviously someone had made a meal of it. Bob Macpherson may also have told Banjo of the sheep shearers strike of September 1894 when shearers had set fire to the Dagworth woolshed killing over a hundred sheep. Macpherson and three policeman had given chase and one of them, a man named Hoffmeister, shot and killed himself rather than be captured.
So it appears that Banjo linked up all these events to conjure up "Waltzing Matilda. Christina wrote up the score. It was first sung publicly at a banquet for the Premier of Queensland and was an instant hit. The song was then picked up by the "Billy Tea" company to advertise their product. Paterson sold the rights to Waltzing Matilda and "some other pieces" to Angus & Robertson Publishers for "five quid".
By World War 1 it was Australia's favorite song and has been ever since.
Some great poems by Banjo Patterson:
• Mulga's Bill's Bicycle Kids and adults alike will love it.
• The Man from Snowy River acclaimed as Australia's greatest poem.
Clancy of The Overflow a city folk's yearning for the wide open spaces

THE PEOPLES OF AUSTRALIA

2006-06-29T17:12:00.000-07:00

We came from all over the world.
Australians are a very friendly open sort of people. We love our sports, our family barbecues and the beach. We are very urbanised - most of us living in the larger cities along the coast. Almost 94% of the population are of European decent and as a result we have a western outlook and culture. In general Australians are very tolerant of other people and their customs.

WORK

Australians are one of the most urbanised societies in the world. Almost 80% of the workforce are employed in service industries such as: offices, banks, etc in the major cities.
About 16% work in manufacturing
About 3% are farmers or graziers.
Wool is one of Australia's major exports. Wool shearing is hard work.
Australia is rich in mineral deposits. We mine and export alumina, iron, coal, copper,gold, uranium, etc all over the world.
About 1% work in the mining industry

SPORTS

During winter we play Australian Rules Football which is played with an oval ball on an oval field with eighteen players on each team. We also play Rugby.
In the summer we play cricket. Cricket is played with a flat bat and a round leather covered ball. Each team has 11 players. The objective of the game is to hit the ball as far as possible without getting "caught out" or without having the ball come in contact with your body or hitting the stumps (3 short poles behind the batsman). The next Olympic games will be held in Sydney Australia in the year 2000.

LEISURE

Almost 85% of Australians live within a few hours drive of the coast
Most major cities have bicycle tracks.
We love to race almost anything: horses, camels, goats, cockroaches and even earth worms.
Australia has lots of wide open spaces and parks.

Upper Beaconsfield

Upper Beaconsfield is located 53 kms (33 miles) south-east of Melbourne in the Dandenong Ranges on the southern foothills of the Great Dividing Range. Upper Beaconsfield retains much of its rural heritage and atmosphere with tree lined streets, varied eucalyptus forests, wet-lands, fern gullies and secluded creeks. The large residential blocks blend well with the surrounding environment. There are strict laws protecting the local flora and fauna

STONEY CREEK

We go to Stony Creek on hikes, to catch yabbies and fish. It's lots of fun. It isn't usually misty like in this picture.
There are lots of native ferns and gum trees around the creek.
There are Platypuses in the creek but they are very shy and hide when us kids come by.

ASH WEDNESDAY BUSHFIRE

There was a terrible bushfire in Upper Beaconsfield in 1983.
We didn't live here then. The fire burned right through the land on which our house is now. We can still see the burn marks on some of the trees in our garden. Lots of houses burnt down and lots of animals and some people died too. We are all more careful now.

ELEPHANT ROCK

Elephant Rock is located on the Beaconsfield-Emerald Road . Kids paint it in all sorts of colours. There is a good lookout from where you can see Cardinia Dam. There are also good walking tracks there.

THE DANDENONGS

2006-06-29T17:10:00.000-07:00

The Dandenong Ranges are located approximately 40 kilometers from Melbourne, Victoria, Australia.

HEALESVILLE SANCTUARY

The Healesville Sanctuary is a place where you can see Australian native animals in natural bushland surroundings. The sanctuary also carries out research and breeding programs for many endangered animals.
There is a real cool Koala enclosure, platypus tank and snake pit too.
Here is the official web site for the Healesville Sanctuary
The Exhibits page is very good.

PUFFING BILLY RAILWAY

It is great fun riding the Puffing Billy Railway as it weaves its way up the mountains. We even get to sit on the windowsills and dangle our legs out the windows. If you look closely you can see some people doing just that. Because its a stream train you get coal dust in your eyes and on your clothes.
When the weather is really dry and there is a danger of bushfires the Puffing Billy 's steam engine isn't used. That's because a spark from its steam engine could start a bushfire. They use a diesel engine instead.
Here is the official web site for the Puffing Billy Railway.

TULIP FESTIVAL

Every year thousands of visitors come to see the tulips at the Tesselaar Tulip farm in Silvan.
There are many other gardens in the Dandenongs too.
UPPER BEACONSFIELD
Upper Beaconsfield is located 53 kms (33 miles) south-east of Melbourne in the Dandenong Ranges on the southern foothills of the Great Dividing Range.
Upper Beaconsfield retains much of its rural heritage and atmosphere with tree lined streets, varied eucalyptus forests, wet-lands, fern gullies and secluded creeks.

THE GREAT OCEAN ROAD

The Great Ocean Road starts at Torquay (about 100kms from Melbourne) and winds its way for 180 kms along the south-western coast of Victoria , Australia.
It is one of the most spectacular coastal drives in the world. It winds its ways around ragged cliffs, windswept beaches, and tall buffs and passes through lush mountain rainforest and towering eucalyptus.
The Great Ocean Road was started in 1918 and completed during the Great Depression as a public works project to give returned soldiers and unemployed people work.
Some of the sights along the way are:
• Bells Beach - a great place to go surfing and where the Bells Surfing Classic is held each Easter.
• Shipwreck Coast - where the wrecks of over 80 ships lie on the ocean floor. Many ships carrying immigrants to the gold fields of Victoria floundered in the treacherous seas.
• Lorne - a popular sea side resort in Apollo Bay.
• Port Campbell National Park - One of the most photographed sections of the road where shear golden limestone cliffs and rock formations withstand the buffeting of fierce seas.
o Twelve Apostles -
(there are only 10 left!)
o London Bridge
(This is what it looked like before one of its spans collapsed)
o Loch Ard Gorge - where in 1878 the clipper Loch Ard was driven into rocks during a storm with the loss of 52 lives.
• Otway National Park
• Port Fairy - a well preserved fishing village which was settled by sealers and whalers back in the 1820s.

THE LOCH ARD DISASTER

The 18 passengers and 36 crew on the iron-hulled clipper Loch Ard had a party on the night of March 31, 1878, to celebrate their arrival in Melbourne the next day after a three month voyage from England. But Captain Gibb stayed on deck all night, worried by the thick mist that obscured the horizon and Cape Otway light. At 4am the mist lifted and the lookout cried: "Breakers ahead." Despite desperate attempts to turn the ship away -- and then to hold it with its anchors -- it struck rocks. water flooded in, the masts flailed against the high cliff face before crashing down and waves swept across the decks, hampering attempts to get the lifeboats into the water. Only two survived -- ship's apprentice Tom Pearce and Eva Carmichael, both aged 18. Eva's parents and five siblings were lost. Tom drifted into the gorge where he saw passenger Eva clinging to a mast -- he swam out, pulled her into a cave and found some brandy in the wreckage to revive her. He climbed out of the gorge and came upon two stockmen, and a rescue party was organised. But only four bodies -- including Eva's mother and sister, were able to be recovered from the treacherous seas and most of the ship's valuable cargo was lost or looted. Tom Pearce became a national hero for his rescue of Eva, who soon returned to Ireland.
A few days after the disaster a packing case washed up in the gorge. It contained a life-sized Minton pottery peacock destined for the Melbourne Great Exhibition of 1880

The Outback is the arid sparsely populated interior of Australia.
It makes up almost 85% of Australian landmass. Very few humans live out there.
It is also sometimes called "Beyond the Black Stump".
The Australian Outback is both harsh and breathtakingly beautiful. It's like nothing else anywhere else in the world.

A ROAD TO NEVER-NEVER

In the outback you can travel for days without meeting anyone. This is why it is sometimes called the Never-Never: the never ending landscape; the never ending horizon.
The land is unforgiving to the careless and foolhardy. You can die of dehydration within hours if you are not careful.

A STATION

Yes people actually do live in the outback.
Cattle and sheep are grazed on huge tracts of land called Stations (what might be called a ranch in the USA). There are Stations in the outback that occupy more land than some countries. Helicopters and small planes are usually used to round up stock (the sheep and cattle) and to check fences (dingo and rabbit fences).
A person who rounds up stock is called a Stockman.
A person who works at a Station is called a Stationhand.
The owner is called a Station-Manager

THE PEOPLE

The vast distances have forced people to adapt to their isolation (some people being more than a day's drive from their nearest neighbor). A two-way radio and an airstrip are vital to any outback station.
Because of the great distances some children in the outback cannot attend regular school. They learn from the School of the Air which is a special school where the teacher and student interact via a two-way radio.
Here is a fascinating school in the outback run by the Mupuru aboriginal community . Its really worth a visit: The Mapuru Homeland Leaning Centre
The Royal Flying Doctor Service operates a fleet of airplanes outfitted as flying ambulances and clinics. They visit these remote locations to provide medical services. They also provides advice over the two-way radio.

ULURU

Uluru: Is a huge rock (called a monolith) that sticks out in the middle of the flat desert. From a distance it looks like an impregnable fortress built eons ago by some mythical warlord.
Uluru is over nine kilometres (6 miles) around and over 348 metres (1000ft) high. It is believed to be about 600 million years old and was once part of a huge mountain range. The mountain range has long since disappeared - eroded away by rain and wind.
With each passing hour as the sun moves across the sky the rock changes colour - changing from delicate mauve, blues, pinks, browns to fiery red.
It is a sacred place to the Pitjanjara Aboriginal tribe.

DEVILS MARBLES

Devils Marbles: These massive boulders are scattered along the Stuart Highway near Alice Springs. They glow red in the sunset. Aborigines believe they were left by the Rainbow Serpent of the Dreamtime.

WAVE ROCK

Wave Rock: Is a huge granite rock that looks like a huge wave that has been frozen in time and turned into stone. It has been made this way by the wind and rain water running down its sides.

KATHERINE GORGE

Katherine Gorge: Is one of 13 gorges in Nitmiluk National Park. They began forming about 23 million years ago as torrents of water flowing through tiny cracks in the earth slowly eroded away the earth and rock creating these huge gorges.
It is rich in Aboriginal art, with rock paintings representing the spiritual 'dreaming' of the Jawoyn people, the traditional owners of the land.
Apart from boat rides through the Gorge, with its sheer towering walls, there are also over 100 kilometres of walking tracks and numerous aboriginal rock paintings to visit

THE OLGAS

The Olgas: Are enormous domes of red rock located about 32 kms from Uluru. You can walk into valleys and gorges between the 36 rock domes and feel the eerie mystery around you. The Aborigines call it 'Kata Tjuta'. It has great spiritual significance to them.

NEW SOUTH WALES

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New South Wales is the fourth largest state in Australia. It is 801,600 sq km in size.
About 6 million people live in New South Wales. One in three Australians lives in New South Wales.

SYDNEY

Sydney is the capital of the state of New South Wales. It is Australia's oldest and largest city. The defining symbols of Sydney are its Opera House and "coat hanger bridge".
Sydney is the commercial capital of Australia.
About 3.8 million people live in the greater Sydney area.

THE BEACH

Bondi and Manly are some of the famous beaches along the New South Wales coast a short distance from Sydney

THE BLUE MOUNTAINS

The Blue Mountains rise from the coastal plains about 65 kilometres west of Sydney. They are composed of sandstone deposited over 170 million years ago that was then pushed up to form a plateau which was subsequently eroded by wind, rain and water leaving spectacular gorges, pinnacles and cliffs. The highest point is about 1100 meters above sea level.
The towering cliffs of these mountains presented a seemly impassable barrier to early european settlers. Even today most parts are only accessible to experienced bushwalkers.

WHY ARE THEY SO BLUE?

The Blue Mountains are covered with eucalyptus trees which constantly release very fine droplets of oil into the atmosphere. These droplets cause the blue light-rays from the sun to be scattered more effectively (knows as Rayliegh Scattering) making the whole area look bluer.

Strine - Australian Slang
Australian Strine consists of words and phrases which:
• have different meanings from other English (like American English or British English),
• we have made up ourselves or
• we have borrowed from Aborigine words or from slang used by early settlers.

GREAT BARRIER REEF

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The Great Barrier Reef stretches along the east coast of Queensland in Australia. It is the world's largest coral reef . It is over 2000km (1250 miles) long! It is not a single reef at all. It is made up of over 2900 individual reefs very close to each other

WHAT IS A CORAL REEF?

A coral is a tiny marine polyp. It is the living part of the coral reef. There are many different kinds of corals. These are what gives the coral reef its colourful appearance. Corals feed mostly on plankton. Coral grows in warm climates where there is clear salt water and sunlight. They don't like pollution.
A coral reef is a natural barrier made of the bodies of living and dead coral. It is normally just below the surface of the water.
It is made of two parts the:
• white part is made from the bodies of zillions and zillions of polyps which have died over hundreds and thousands of years.
• colourful part is the living part of the coral reef. It is made up of living polyps.

WHO LIVES HERE?

• 1500 species of fish
• 400 different types of coral
• 4,00 molluscs (like clams and the sea slug)
• 500 species of seaweed
• 215 species of birds
• 16 species of sea snake
• 6 species of sea turtle
• Whales visit during winter

COOBER PEDY

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The name Coober Pedy is derived from the Aboriginal words "kupa piti", which means "white man's burrow".
The description is apt because most people live and work underground.
Coober Pedy is located 836 kilometres (510 miles) north of Adelaide and about 300 kilometres south of Uluru.
It is a desolate landscape devoid of vegetation and water. It is an extremely hot place too. The entire landscape is pockmarked by the telltale tailing of countless opal mines.
In 1915 a young boy named Willie Hutchison, who was out with his father prospecting for gold, discovered the first opal there. Since then the town has grown to about 2500 people.
Coober Pedy produces about 90% of the world's opals.
Because of the extreme heat during the summer almost all buildings are located underground.

CANBERRA

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THE CITY

Canberra is a city of about 310,000 people located in the Australian Capital Territory (ACT) approximately 200 kilometres from Sydney. Most of the people in Canberra are employed by the federal government.
Canberra is a very young city. The plans for the city were only drawn up in 1911 and construction didn't commence until 1913.
The grand design for the city was drawn up by a relatively obscure american architect named Walter Burley Griffin. The lake which is a central focus of the city today is named after him.
With its imposing buildings, broad boulevards and uncluttered streetscape (there are no billboards, in Canberra) it lacks the charm and vibrancy of more cosmopolitan cities such as Sydney and Melbourne.

FEDERAL PARLIAMENT HOUSE

The Federal Parliament House is built on top of Capital Hill. It was completed in 1988 and replaces the old parliament house which is located further down the hill. The building was designed to merge into the profile of the hill itself.A stainless steel flag mast 81 metres tall surmounts the building from which flutters the Australian flag (the flag is as big as a double decker bus).
It cost over 800 million dollars to build and is considered to be one of the most attractive parliament buildings anywhere in the world.
The Members Hall is at the very centre of the Parliament complex between the House of Representatives and Senate chambers. It has a large skylight canopy through which can be seen the stainless steel flag mast and the Australian flag.
The House of Representatives Chamber can seat up to 240 Members of Parliament.
Currently there are approximately 148 members. They are popularly elected for three year terms. The numbers of members representing each state is proportional to their populations but there must be must be at least five members from each state.
The Senate Chamber can seat 120 Senators.
Currently there are 76 senators. They are popularly elected for 6 year terms. There are 12 senators from each state and two each from each territory.

HISTORY OF CANBERRA

Aborigines lived around what is now Canberra for thousands of years.
1820 The first Europeans to visit the Limestones plains where current day Canberra is located were Joseph Wild, James Vaughan and Charles Throsby.
1824 Joshua John Moore took up the first land grant on the Limestone Plains. He called his property "Canberry" after the name the local aborigines called the place. His property was where the the Australian National University and Lake Burley Griffin is today.
1825 Robert Campbell started a grazing station on the Limestone Plains. He named his property "Duntroon" after the family castle in Scotland. He built a house called Duntroon House which was added on to by his son and descendants. It is part of the Royal Military College today.
Many other people also farmed and grazed the land around the Limestone Plains.
1901 On January 1 Queen Victoria signed the Constitution Act making Australia an independent country. Both Sydney and Melbourne wanted the national capital to be in their cities. So to prevent too much rivalry a search was begun to find a new site for the federal capital.
1908 The Canberra area was selected as the future site for the capital of Australia.
1911 An international competition was launched to find the best plan for the new city. The design by an American landscape architect named Walter Burley Griffin won the competition.
1927 The temporary federal parliament building was completed and federal parliament moved from Melbourne to its new home in Canberra.
1978 It was decided that a new parliament building was needed to replace the temporary building which had been used for over fifty years.
1988 The new Parliament House was opened by Queen Elizabeth 2.

WHO DISCOVERED AUSTRALIA

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In about 200AD a famous Greek astronomer named Claudius Ptolemy believed that the earth had to be balanced or it would topple over. So he figured that there had be a land yet unknown to Europeans somewhere below the Indian Ocean. Over time this yet to be discovered land came to be known as For many centuries people in Europe were certain that there was a land down under (this map from 1570 shows what they thought) but nobody knew how to get to it . They kept missing it or not realising that they had stumbled upon it. For over 200 years hundreds of European navigators set across the seas searching for the Unknown Southern Land.
They expected to find gold and other treasures.
Aborigines were the first people to discover Australia. They may have walked or sailed here from Asia over 60,000 years age. They arrived at a time when the northern parts of Australia had a hot humid tropical climate much like that of Asia today.
Portuguese sailors may have sailed along the coastline of Australia as far back as 1542. Some maps have been found which show parts of what appears to be the Australian coastline. But there is no definite proof that they did.
In 1616 a Dutch trading ship, the Eendracht, on its way to the Indies (now called Indonesia) bumped into west coast of of Australia. Captain Dirk Hartog landed at Shark Bay, looked around a bit but didn't find anything interesting. He nailed a pewter dish to a tree to record his visit. He did not realize that he had found Australia. His is the first recorded European landing in Australia.
Dutch sailors continued see the coastline on their trips and called this land New Holland but didn't bother to visit it
In 1642 a Dutchman named Abel Tasman sighted an island he called Van Diemen's Land. He did not realise that this island was a part of Australia. He also went on to explore New Zealand.
This island was later renamed Tasmania in honour of Abel Tasman
In 1770 an expedition from England lead by Captain James Cook sailed to the south pacific. They were supposed to make astronomical observations. But Captain Cook also had secret orders from the British Admiralty to find the southern continent.
They sailed in the Endeavour. It had a crew of 94 men.
They landed in a bay on the east coast on the 29th of April 1770. Cook first called this place Stingray Bay, then he changed it to Botanist Bay and finally called it Botany Bay because of all the strange and unusual plants there.
He called this new land New Wales and then changed it to New South Wales. He claimed the land for England (even though the land already belonged to the Aborigines).
Captain Cook was also the first European to visit the Great Barrier Reef.
Actually he ran into it and damaged his ship pretty badly. He had to spend seven weeks repairing his ship.

ABORIGINES - THE FIRST AUSTRALIANS

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The word Aborigine is derived from Latin and means "from the beginning". This is the name given to the native Australians by the Europeans.
This is not the name they called themselves.
They prefer to call themselves: Koori.

BEFORE 1770

The first human inhabitants of Australia were the Aborigines.
They are a dark-skinned people belonging to the Australoid group who probably came from Asia. Nobody is quite sure how they came to Australia around 60,000 years ago. They may have walked and sailed here from Asia.
The Aborigines were nomadic hunter-gathers. They roamed from place to place. They hunted animals using spears and boomerangs. They also gathered fruits, nuts and yams which they ate.
There were around 300,000 aborigines in about 250 tribal groups before the first white settlers came. Each group had its own territory, traditions, beliefs and language.
They all believed in the Dreamtime which is the center piece of aboriginal culture.

THE FIRST ENCOUNTER WITH SETTLERS

The aborigine people had never seen white people until Captain James Cook landed in Botany Bay in 1770. They were shocked to see these white people in their strange clothes.
When the aborigines first saw the ships of the "First Fleet" enter Botany Bay in 1778 with so many white skinned people they thought they were the spirits of their dead ancestors (after all they were so white). In actual fact these were the first European settlers led by Captain Arthur Phillip.
At first the Aborigines were friendly towards the visitors but were very confused at the way white foreigners behaved:
• Why did the foreigners walk on aborigine sacred sites and dig up aborigine graves?
• Why did they boss each other around and beat and hang people?
• Why did they chop down trees and take food without asking?
• Why were they mean and selfish towards each other and not sharing?

THE FIRST MISUNDERSTANDING

While exploring around the new settlement Captain Arthur Phillip befriended an old aborigine man. When he returned to camp he met the old man again and gave him some beads and a hatchet. Later that night Captain Phillip discovered the old man taking one of his shovels and slapped the man on his shoulder and pushed him away while pointing to the spade. The old man was very upset and could not understand why his friend was acting this way.
Aborigines share what they have with their friends.
Captain Phillip was very careful not to offend the aborigines but Aborigine and the Settlers cultures were so different! They didn't understand each other.

CONFLICT

When the aborigines realised that the white men were not the spirits of their dead ancestors and that the settlers were taking more and more of their land and destroying the trees and wild life they began to fight back.
The aborigines killed a number of the settlers and even wounded Captain Phillip in an attack. The settlers reacted by slaughtering and poisoning the aborigines and systematically destroying the land and wild animals they lived on.

DISEASE

White settlers brought diseases the aborigines had never had before (diseases which were quite common in Europe at the time).
Aborigines caught smallpox and even the common cold and died in great numbers. Within two years smallpox had killed almost half the aborigine population around Sydney.

DEPRAVATION

The British colonists declared that before their arrival all of the continent was terra nullius (uninhabited by humans). They used this as justification for taking whatever they wanted.
As more and more white settlers moved in and occupied the fertile lands the aborigines were pushed further and further away from their traditional lands and into the harsh arid interior. Their families were broken up, their children taken away from them and sent to be "civilised", their sacred sites destroyed and their wild animals hunted.
The killing and exploitation of aborigines by whites continued well into the twentieth century. The aboriginal population declined from the original 300,000 when the first white settlers arrived to only about 60,000 people (less than the number of people that can be seated at the MCG stadium!).
Aborigines were second class citizens in their own land. They only got the right to vote in 1967.
This is a shameful part of Australian history.

RECONCILIATION

Much progress has been made over recent years to try to right the wrongs of the past. Where possible the government has been returning land to their traditional owners and encouraging Aborigines to rebuild their culture and lives.
They are the single most disadvantaged group of people in Australia.
There is still a long way to go!

ANIMALS - AUSTRALIA

Up to about 250 millions of years ago the world had just one huge super-continent call Pangaea. Animals and plants were able to move and intermix with one another.
About 200 million years ago this super-continent broke up into two continents (Laurasia and Gondwana).
About 60 million years ago Gondwana broke up into what was to later become South America, Africa, Antarctica, India and Australia.
Since then Australia has been isolated from the rest of the world by vast oceans. The animals and plants which were originally here no longer had contact with animals from other parts of the world. They evolved separately. That is why they are so different.

NATIVE AUSTRALIAN ANIMALS

Australia has lots very unusual animals. About 95 percent of the mammals, 70 percent of the birds, 88 percent of the reptiles and 94 percent of the frogs are found nowhere else in the world.
Find out about them here:
• Antechinus
• Long-Nosed Bandicoot
• Bat
• Black Snake (Red-bellied)
• Cassowary
• Cockatoo
• Crocodile (Saltwater)
• Echidna
• Emu
• Frilled Lizard
• Kangaroo
• Koala
• Kookaburra
• Penguin (Fairy)
• Platypus
• Possums:
o Bushtail
o Feathertail Glider
o Leadbeater's
o Pygmy
o Ringtail
o Sugar Glider
• Tawny Frogmouth
• Wallaby
• Wombat

LOCATED

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Australia is the smallest, flattest, and driest inhabited continent in the world. It is the only country which is also a whole continent. 18.6 million people live here.
The people of Australia are called Australians. Australians call different parts of their country by different names:

• The City

Is any large city and its suburbs. Over 85% of the people live in cities. Melbourne, Sydney, Brisbane, Perth and Canberra are major cities.

• The Country

Is the area immediately outside the city and usually includes the surrounding smaller towns and farms. Most of what is called "the country" is a stretch of land about 200 kilometres deep around the eastern and southern seaboards of Australia. Upper Beaconsfield, the Great Ocean Road , the Dandenongs, etc are in "the country".

• The Outback

Is the sparsely populated arid interior of Australia. The Australian Outback is both harsh and breathtakingly beautiful. It's like no other place on earth. Coober Pedy, Uluru, etc are in the Outback.
There are 6 states and 2 territories in Australia:
• Queensland
• New South Wales
• South Australia
• Tasmania
• Victoria
• Western Australia
• Northern Territory
• Australian Capital Territory

The capital of Australia is Canberra .
Australia has lots of unusual Animals.
Australia has the largest coral reef in the world called the Great Barrier Reef. It is stunning!.
Australians speak English. But we also have our own special words and phrases referred to as Strine.
Australia's favourite song is Waltzing Matilda

MELBOURNE

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Melbourne is the capital of the state of Victoria in Australia. It is the second largest city in Australia.
It was voted the worlds' most livable city in 1994.
And the least polluted for a city of its size.

THE CITY

Melbourne is renowned for its parks, fickle weather, clanging trams, upside-down river, football and its cosmopolitan outlook. It is also the financial capital of Australia.
It is a relatively safe city with a very low crime rate.
About 3.2 million people live in the greater Melbourne area.
The people of Melbourne came from all over the world.

YARRA RIVER

The Yarra River flows right by the city. It is sometimes called "the river that flows upside down" because of its muddy colour. The reason for this colour is because mud particles stay suspended in the water and don't settle to the bottom like in most rivers. It is a very clean river (now).
During the warmer months people like to walk along the river, visit the parks and sunbathe (ouch) along the banks.
The Moomba festival also has a lot of events on the river. I love the birdman competition where they try to see who can fly the furthest after jumping off a bridge. Its very funny.

TRAMS

Melbourne loves its electric trams. It is the only city in Australia which still has them as part of its public transport system. We paint some of them with interesting designs and motifs. There is even a tram restaurant where you can dine while trundling past interesting city sites. Trams have right of way on our roads and also make us do unusual right hand turns at city intersections.

ARTS CENTRE

The Arts Centre is a short walk across Princes Bridge on St Kilda Road and is now a part of the larger Southgate entertainment complex.
It consists of the:
• National Gallery of Victoria with its large collection of works by local and overseas artists.
• Melbourne Concert Hall which can seat 2600 people and has fantastic acoustics.
• State Theaters home of the Australian Ballet and Opera Companies.
The Art Centre's lattice work spire glows a light purple colour at night and can be seen from miles around.
The water wall at the museum is very popular with young kids.

BOTANICAL GARDENS

• Melbourne has many public parks and gardens within walking distance of the city centre: Botanical Gardens was created in the English landscape tradition and extends for 36 hectares along the Yarra River.
• Flagstaff Gardens the city's first public gardens.
• Fitzroy Gardens has Captain Cooks Cottage, the Fairy Tree carved with tiny figures and a model Tudor village.
• Treasury Gardens is close to the state government offices.
• Carlton Gardens where the Exhibition Buildings are situated.
Kings Domain contains the Shrine of Remembrance, La Trobe's Cottage and the Myer Music Bowl

GOVERNMENT HOUSE

Government House is the official residence of the Governor of Victoria. It is located in the precincts of the Botanical Gardens. This is where the Queen of England stays when she visits Melbourne.
It is said to be the grandest house in Victoria (some say even all of Australia) It was built during the gold rush when Melbourne was flush with money and was intent on outdoing everyone else.

LUNA PARK

Luna Park has lots of entertainment for kids and adults alike. It is located in St Kilda not far from the city.

WESTGATE BRIDGE

The Westgate Bridge is the longest bridge in Australia. It is over 2.6 kms long and soars over the Yarra River and the harbour. It offers a panoramic view of the harbour and the city.
This is a view of Melbourne taken from across the bay at Williamstown. Yes these Black Swans really do live there.

HISTORY OF MELBOURNE

Melbourne was founded in 1835 by John Batman and a group of businessmen who bought land from the local Aborigines for some trinkets.
It was named, in 1837, after the British Prime Minister at the time: Lord Melbourne.